Black nails. That was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes. Someone was asleep holding my hands. When I tried to reach her hair and remove it from her face to see who it was, she moved but kept sleeping. There were dark circles under her eyes but she was still beautiful. It was Adrian. I found it odd that she painted her nails black. She never puts nail polish, let alone black. She thinks it’s dirty. I felt tired and drained so I went to sleep.
The next morning..
“Xy? Xy? Xypher! Are you awake? Please, Xy come back to us.”, I think I heard someone say. I’m not sure who it was because the words were mumbled. I slowly opened my eyes. It hurt. The light was blinding. It was like I was opening my eyes for the first time after staying at a dark place. When I fully opened my eyes, I saw nothing. I heard someone cry.
“Xy, it’s me. Adrian. Suddenly, she hugged me. Puzzled, I reluctantly hugged her back.
“Am I dead?”, I asked her. She started crying harder. “I’m sorry. What did I say wrong? Please stop crying.” I added, trying to soothe her. I hate it when she cries.
She looked at me weirdly and said, “Oh, Xy, you don’t remember do you?”
“Remember what? What happened?”, I’m panicking now. Somehow, I could feel something’s wrong.
“I better call your mom and the doctor first. I think they could explain better.”, She said and added, “Oh, Xy, I’m so sorry. I really am.” Then, I heard footsteps slowly fading. I think Adrian left.
“Xy, honey. I’m so glad you’re awake.” I heard my mom say. She wasn’t crying like Adrian but it was obvious how hard she was holding back her tears. “How are you feeling?”, She asked, worried.
“I’m fine. I think.”, I said. That’s when she started to cry, really hard. Isn’t she supposed to be happy because I said I’m fine? But what got me worried was the fact that my mom never cries. She’s a lawyer so she keeps her emotions in check very well. And now she’s crying like I died or something.
“Mom, I really am okay. Please stop crying.”, I said in a poor attempt to soothe her. I said that when the doctor came in. He looked at my mom, then at me with that beaten look. I asked him, “What’s happening?”
He breathed a sigh and explained about what happened. He said a lot more things like car crash....broken...hurt....okay...you’ll be fine. But all that registered was when he said, “You can’t speak anymore and you’re brother is gone.”
My thoughts went so fast even I can’t understand what was going on in my mind. I was going to say he had the facts wrong. I spoke to Adrian and my mom minutes ago. But when I spoke I noticed for the first time that there was no sound. Everything I thought I heard myself speak were just in my head.
Then I remembered seeing Seth’s bloodied body and how his hands were lump as Adrian held them. That never happens. They always held each other’s hand tightly. Even when Seth could barely walk when he’s wasted or really tired or even when he’s really sleepy, his hands never gets lump when she’s holding it. It’s like it’s a matter of life and death. And I guess it was, at least it was during that last time.
But this cannot be happening. My brother got everything going for him. He can’t be gone now. He has college and football, a great life ahead of him and Adriana. He just can’t be gone.
“He’s not breathing. He froze. What is happening to him? Xy!”, I heard them say. I don’t know who was saying what because it was starting to get muffled until the voices were gone and I think I passed out.
When I woke up, I heard Adrian talking to someone. I’m not sure who she was talking to because she had her back to me. She’s standing in the door. Then she turned around and I saw that no one was at the door so I thought maybe she was talking on the phone. When she saw me she hurriedly shut the phone and went to my side.
She looked at me and said, “Hi. How are you? Do you need anything?”
I opened my mouth about to answer her when no sound came and then I remembered I can’t speak anymore. Then I looked at her phone and gestured for her to hand me her phone. Then I texted her, “I’m thirsty. How are you?” I handed her phone and she read the text.
She turned and went to pour water on a glass. “I’m alive. And here is your water.” She said and smiled. But for the first time, her smile didn’t make my heart pound. Her smile looked forced. She went outside saying she’d tell the doctor I’m awake.
A few minutes later Adrian came back with my mom and the doctor. My mom looked tired. She probably didn’t get much sleep.
Mom said, Dr. Owens came by earlier this morning and said you can go home.” I smiled and looked at the doctor.
He said, “Yes, you can but we have to run a few tests to make sure your good to go. Do you feel any pain?”
I shook my head and he asked if I’m sure. I said yes and nodded. I keep forgetting I can’t speak. I guess I should be hurting now or angry because of that. But I just can’t bring myself to feel hurt that I lost my voice when my brother lost his life. That’s just plain selfish.
Later that afternoon my mom started to pack my stuff so we could leave early tomorrow. Dr. Owens said I’m good to go but I should come back every week for checkups and tests. Apparently, my mom asked him to see if there’s a way for me to get my voice back. He said therapy might help since my brain was the cause for me losing my voice. I can’t really keep up with what he said because he was using medical terms but I think he said nothing was broken from my throat or something and that my being mute has something to do with the damage on my brain when I hit my head during the crash.
