Riley Barnes

Healing

I got up in the morning. It was about 18 months since I left HYDRA. I had turned 19.  My mum had died when I was gone. It was hard on me. I couldn't say goodbye. Today we were moving into the Avengers tower. I finished packing my things. I was sitting on my bed looking around. Jasper was sitting next to me. My dad walked in. "You ready?" "Yeah-..." I was exited but it was hard leaving this place. It was my childhood home. Not that I remembered much. " Lets go.." he whispered. I stood up signaling for Jasper to follow. We had talked with tony and he didn't mind Jasper staying there so long as we cleaned and looked after him.

We got there to find Steve and Tony waiting. "Hey" I smiled at him he returned it. Steve helped us bring our boxes in. I walked in into my room Jasper following close behind. It was about as big as my previous one. Two windows and a tall double bed, a tv and couch. And a desk with a chair and lamp. It even had a spot for Jasper.

I finished setting up my room. Jasper was out meeting everyone. I walked out to find him laying on Peters lap. I swear he looked bigger than that kid. "Help." He looked at me awkwardly. I giggled "Jasper here" He walked over allowing peter to stand up. I liked it here. The place was cozy I enjoyed everyone's company. It was getting pretty lonely with just me Jasper and dad. Tony was sitting with me in kitchen at the island discussing my new arm. Hydra replaced it with a silver one that had a red star on the shoulder.

I was still going to therapy 2 times a week in the morning. I woke up and put on some decent clothing. I walked into her office. Different lady. This one was older and wore a jacket over a skirt, usually tan. Shes also my dads therapist. I sat down on the couch. "Hello Riley." She used my name saying she was trying to make me feel 'human'.  "Have you had any nightmares recently?" I paused just staring "no."
"You seem rather off today. Has anything happened recently?" My throat tightened. "no." She pulled out her notebook "They notebook? Really?? Its so passive aggressive." There was a long pause.
"Your a kid Barnes. You can tell- Its a condition on your part so- Tell me about any recent nightmares."
"I didn't have a nightmare." She started writing.
"Ok ok- I saw someone from one of my missions-"
"Which one?"
" December 9th 2017"
" I saw her and I can't stop thinking about it- when I walked in that room there was a guy there.. She looked at me and I instantly knew."
"Back to my first question. Have you hurt yourself recently."
"Show me your arm." I sighed pulling my sleeve up revealing scars and wounds from my wrist to my middle lower arm. There was a long pause.
"I just- I feel like-.. I feel like the only reason that Im still fucking here is because- If I ended it all it would devastate my dad.."
"I dont wanna be here anymore.. everyday is agonizing and painful I want it to stop.. a few nights ago I was on top of stark tower ready to jump when I imagined the horror on my dads faces knowing their only kid was gone.." I looked out the window tears forming and rolling down my face when I realized I opened up too much.
She was writing on the notebook. "You can step outside." I did but I listened in. She had called my dad explaining shes admitting me to a mental hospital.. shit you fucking dumb ass!..

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I packed my things said good bye to my parents and dog. I was going there for 2 weeks. I got in the back of a taxi. He drove me to the place I payed him and got off. I was told it was a 'nicer' one considering I was an avenger tony payed for it. I was 'greeted' my two guards posted at the doors. I walked into this place. It was basically a mansion. I walked to the front desk where they signed me in and two guards brought me to a room to search me. They padded me down finding a dagger in my pocket. I actually forgot I had that- she glared at me taking it away. "Hey uh if I don't get that back tony will kill me." "Then we'll be sure to send it to mr. Stark." She told me to strip my clothes. I was wearing just a bra and some boxers. They finally showed me to my room. It had a double bed with blankets and pillows. A book shelf nailed to the wall.  Carpeted grounds. Surprisingly normal windows. The bathroom had a notch in the top of the door so they could check on you. It included a small bar with drinks and a coffee/tea making. And finally a small dresser with a TV. I put my bag down and put all my clothes in the dresser and a couple books on the shelf. I couldn't help but notice a few books on there. I skimmed over them. They were all self care based. I had nothing to do as they practically took everything! My pencils for drawing my pencil sharpener, my book on assignation- that one didn't make sense to me-...

The two weeks were long AF. They were constantly checking on you in the night. If you didnt answer the door any they couldn't SEE you they would call the guards. I'd often play this trick where I'd hide outside the window just to mess with them for fun. The two weeks were finally over. I don't think it helped much.

Dad picked me up and all I did was stayed there hugging him before he brought me to the car. "We're gonna stop at the avengers tower to pick something up." He smiled looking at me cocking an eyebrow. "Could've brought something better than just a dagger" I roll my eyes giggling.