resentment

10

I stood up with my bare feet on the large round table that stands in the middle of us. I raised my margarita glass and shouted out loud. This wasn't an average bar. It had private rooms so random people didn't have to see each other. There were only 4 rooms on each floor.

The private bar was only allowed for VVIP, which was where celebrities or wealthy people would come. We asked them to clean all the VIP sections for us so we wouldn't worry about the upcoming scandal that was before my manager skinned me alive.

"Let's drink for my miserable life~"

"Cheers" They all laughed and clinked their glasses together.

I kept drinking, laughing, and joking with these guys but it doesn't really make me feel better. I had never been a heavy drinker and I couldn't stand alcohol but I just really wanted to do this right now. I wanted to wash off my thoughts which was why I was here.

I put down my glass and walked to the end of the room. I stood up right in front of the big AC stand.

"Ahh, much better." I received the cool and chilly wind all over my face. Making my brain and my head freeze. My mind also froze. This works more well than any of the drinks I had.

"Noona, you will get cold." Kibum grabbed my shoulder and tried to pull me away from the AC.

"Aish, go away." I shook my head and shoo-ed him.

"Stop crying."

"Hey, don't do this to yourself." Kibum said in a soft voice. I didn't know why but his voice made me start crying. He pulled me to his warm body and rubbed my back slowly, letting me cry my eyes on his broad chest. I felt comfortable until he spoke and made my blood boil.

"It's okay. Everything will be alright. Don't blame yourself." How dare he.

I pushed him hard and rubbed roughly my eyes and wet cheeks. "I'm not! I'm blaming you!" I pointed my finger to him.

"W-w-what?"

"You! You told him everything. That's why he did that to the pervert old man!" I screamed, making the private room turn utterly silent as everyone gasped in shock. Aish, this wine affected me to say it bluntly.

"M-me? I didn't do anything!" Kibum raised his hand in defense.

"Then how the fuck does he know?" I stared at him sharper than any knife.

The boys looked at each other completely baffled. "Yah, what did you do?" Minho asked Kibum.

"I-i don't know! Noona, believe me. I didn't even say a word to him." Kibum said with panic in his voice.

"After I cried until my eyeballs were like bruises to you. You.. Betrayed me."

"Noona, the last thing I can do is hurt you."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "So you really didn't do it?"

He grabbed my shoulders and made me look into those innocent eyes. "No, noona. I have no reason to lie to you."
"Noona knows all my dark secrets, so why would I do something stupid that lead you to kill me,"

I laughed while still crying. "R-right." I accepted and believed his words because if he did hurt me, I can no longer trust any other human being.

I took deep breaths, trying to calm down. I didn't know what to feel anymore. Why couldn't I have an easy life? Why did people who were mean to me have a better life than mine. Why did I have to be who I was, dumpy and a wreck? A women who looks like a whore that everyman could grind on.

And I wasn't sure who I was angriest at – myself , Kim Young Min, Baekhyun, or . . . That man.

"Whatever's inside your mind, it's not true. You know that." His soothing voice brought me back from the dark place where I lived.

Kibum was Kibum. He was the shoulder to cry on, the only one you'd ever want to call up when you had a hard time, when the world turned their back on you. Kibum, the only person who knew more about you than yourself. Including the nightmare you wanted to bury.

So, for the ninth time, I gave my heart like an open book. Even when I was scared and confused about Baekhyun's new behavior, maybe it will make me feel.. I don't know? Safe? Apart from his revenge.

The boys walked over to me. "Noona, we are here for you." The SHINee boys said when they were completely stunned.  I smiled weakly and received a group hug from them.

They let me go. "Noona, We all know you are stronger than this." Onew gently said while fixing my hair.

"Look at noona's makeup." Taemin laughed and gently wiped the remaining tears from my face.

"We will only allow you to drink a light drink now."

I started feeling so sick in my stomach. "Cool, but let me throw up first."

They chuckled. "Let me walk you there."

"No, no. It's okay. Just order me the drink you suggested and don't have fun until I come back." I grabbed my purse then opened the door and left the room.

After I finished vomiting all my guts in the toilet. I stood up and cleaned my hands. I took out my mouthwash from my purse and brushed my teeth. Thank God I was smart enough to always carry these things with me whenever I go out.

I fixed my ruined makeup until I looked pleasant and got rid of the effect of my drinks until I'm ready to go out from here and face the boys again. I'm glad I chose Shinee over Suju tonight. Rather than calming me down, those guys would definitely make fun of me all night.

I was walking down the hallway to return to our private room. I was looking down to my purse, still tidying up until it closed when I heard someone with a deep and familiar voice.

"The potential revenue from this scene is enormous if we can use all the local properties."

"I've told you, no business talk for the night. Come on, they are waiting for us."

"Okay, I am sorry, hyung." A laughing sound was heard.

I looked up and I realized I had made a terrible mistake.

My chest rose and fell continuously with each heavy breath I took; my legs threaten to fail me. Suddenly a flash memory of the eye rolls in the back of my head.

"H-h-how could you do this?" I cried.

"Don't resist it. Give me the pleasure and I'll give you the career you've dreamed of." He started to unbuckle his belt.

"No. Please no." I yelled.

With tears slowly forming in my eyes, I stared at the disgusting man in front of me who was wearing a formal suit, a warm smile, and charming eyes that were hiding the devil's heart and bad intentions.

My hands started shaking and I started feeling so sick again. It hurts, I still could feel the pain. I remembered the hell that wrapped me in his arms and the devilish words he sent to kill me.

I had no strength to move even when he already found my eyes.