what is love... Is It Dangerous

confused

Hi.. My name is kai I'm 16 and im never gonna fall in love. Yes I know why would i say that well I don't know maybe because love is something that can be play with if your careful maybe love is not for everybody..but that just me tho I think love is something that is right for some people and that would not be me every time I want to find love and try to share it I end up getting heartbroken by getting rejected... I don't know why I feel like this I could move on at any time but instead I make a fuss over it and over think about this everywhere I go class, home, my room, outside, shop, store's, dinner places and more my friends say I'm just over thinking about it but I am I really am like what I'm doing rn almost every girl I tell I love them or like them they rejects me on the spot saying "oh sorry but I um have a boyfriend" looking at me stuttering she was lying or "oh your not my type" saying it in a straight face but laughing in the end telling the truth or "oh your so cute but uh no" smiling then walking away really... Cute that's it..  I feel like screaming I feel like blowing up but I can't I'm in class I snap out my thoughts and look outside it was fall and fall Break was coming soon the clock ticks so slowly it seems like the whole class was moving in slow motion the teacher being boring as always but I still I had to pay attention my friends writes notes down so does other kid while some of them play on there phone but soon get caught and get sent to the principal's office.. Hm it was there fault anyways.... I want one go home.. I just want to go home.. My sketch book was filled with sketches and doodles filling up the whole page some time I wish I didn't draw because people would tell me to draw them or say It was ugly or say I could draw better than me or say why I draw like that but I still draw not giving the care in the world.. ringsss.. The bell rings. . Finally.. The weekend was here... I packed up my stuff my friends Justin comes up to me same as Betty "Yoo the weekend is coming how you feel" Justin said pating my back more of my friends join the conversation too but I had to say something "what is love" I said they looked at me the room gon quiet all you could hear was the chatting in the hallway and the teacher packing he's stuff up waiting for us to leave the room... I felt.. Embarrassed... I ran out the room yelling goodbye guys as soon as I got outside I pulled out my phone my friends was already spamming the GC but it was about what I said "omg kai what do you mean by what is love you are really dumb 😂" one of the girls said "dude stop thinking about that it's been too long thinking about that come on kai" one of the guys said "hey gust leave him alone ok" Justin said Justin cares about me the most and I care about him too I really care about him he's black hair and he's brown eyes when it shines in the light when it's golden hour he just glows hes smile is so bright so so bright hes touch hes gentle touch when he pats my back.. Wait... Why am I thinking about this... I was just Intrubted when my phone buzzed it was my brother Alex I sigh "hey kai I'm picking you up today like always mom and dad will be late today so we can order pizza if you want but yeah I'm on my way I won't be too long" I smile a little Alex is there always when our mom and dad works late our mom and dad is the boss of a company a go to many different places like Japan where we was born France, Tokyo, china and many more my parents are cool but I just wish they spend more time with me and Alex.... I sit in the stone steps waiting for Alex until I heard a voice "hm never expected you to be alone today" I turned around it was Justin he came at the right time when I was thinking about him but why....im confused "oh hey yeah I'm alone I'm waiting for my brother" I said I looked away I can't even look at him why he sat next to me the air had tension the wind brezz through the trees and grass the yellow orange and red leaves fall off the trees and hit the ground gentle almost floating I want to float like that maybe it will lead me to someone I can love the yellow red and orange fill the sky a sunset fall.. Oh fall. How I wish you can bring love to me... Oh fall can make people come together... But also pull them apart... Oh fall the coldness if the season makes people go inside and drink hot chocolate and cuddle under blankets watching movies. Then decorate for Halloween... Oh fall how cruel can you be to leave me out in the cold not having anyone by my side... Oh fall.. Oh fall how it can be such a sweet but cruel season... I look in front of me I see cars passing by back and forth back and forth back and forth and it keeps going who are they going too what are they going to should they be some where important my thoughts has came apart of me and I don't mind I can think and don't care about anything else but I soon snap out of it until I heard a honk I looked up it was my brother driving a Tesla he got out the car and looked at me "bye bye kai" I turned it was Justin I completely forgot he was beside me that's the problem.... My thoughts had become apart of me so much that I forget the people around me was even there Justin smile and wave Justin mom picked him up he wave one more time before getting in the car before driving off I wave to him "bye Justin" I said quietly my brother laugh "come on so we could order something" Alex said before getting in the car I got into the car to today was confusing but some how normal... What was it that makes me like him...