Loosing game

2

Find him. Find him was all I could think through the haze of rage and angst tearing through my body. I'll find her murderer, the one who killed her and my family, I'll find him and when I do, I will torcher and obliterate him. Worse than what he did to them. Ten. Times. Worse.

Months spent searching for him, their murderer, hunting through the thick snow and woods of Alaska, scouting through new York, any place where there was even a slight match to the bloody hand print that had been on our white-wash wall.

I don't feel a single thing, I'm out of touch with life. My body is in the room, but I'm not really there, and the world, it feels too big. I'm hanging by a thread, but I have to survive for them. I have empathy inside, but right now I don't really care, and I'm fresh out of love, but it has been in the air.

I just want to see, if getting rid of him will make me happy. Am I past repair?

I'm a little bit tired of trying to care when I don't, I only care about finding and obliterating him.

I haven't told anyone what happened, its not like I have anyone to tell. I-I-I just miss her and them so so much, it feels like there is a lump in my throat when I think about it. The memory of their voices fading, and my lungs feeling tight at the thought of them. Tears slowly trickled down my cheeks when I think about her.

I just wish that heaven had visiting hours, so I could just show up, and bring the news, that I'm getting closer, and the things that I do, are all for them. Could I just have them back for a little while?

So much has changed since they've been stolen away. If I could just swing by, and ask my parents advice, because they always did what's right. What would they do in my situation?

I have no clue if I should give up, snap the thread that holds me, and be with them. But then I always remember Emily's last words. Find him!

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________