Love Militia (Suga and Jin Love Story)

Goodbye To My Seoul

   I've loved every minute of being a part of BTS. For as long as I can remember I've dreamt of being in a boy band, now, that dream is over. As I pack my green duffle bag no larger than a regular gym bag, I can't help but feel like this whole situation is unfair. How have we built a system that doesn't allow an individual the freedom to avoid conflict? The way I see it, there are two types of people in this world. Those who love, and those who love to fight. I'm convinced anyone who decides to become an idol has no business in warfare. Though, that doesn't explain why hyeong never came back.

   It's been a year since Jin was shipped off to the military. He was granted the opportunity to leave after serving 9 months but instead chose to do his full service which made the fans love him more. So, maybe that's why he stayed. On the outside it looks like he just wanted to serve his country, but we all knew he was the most reluctant to go. I had always thought that it was because of his age. Being the oldest and first to leave both he and I would be serving alone since we're a year apart.  

   As I look at myself in the mirror in my army uniform and fresh buzz cut. It feels unreal that yesterday I was in Thailand on stage performing for an audience of 55,000 people. Dressed in black covered in silver chains. My shaggy blonde hair I look unrecognizable to my pop star self-Suga. Ha Suga. 

   I guess from now on I've got to call myself Min Yoon-gi. "Is this who I am now Min Yoon-gi? or is this who I've always been or was this always who I was meant to be?" Its reality, I guess. No matter the persona and how hard, or long I believe in it. There is no escaping from my true self and the reality of who I am.

   I turn off my room light and head out the door. Outside I'm greeted by the press, my parents, my BTS family, as well as a small group of our fan army. It seems as though everyone around me is crying. I want to cry too but hold back my tears and instead prepare to give a little impromptu speech. 

   "Please keep your heads up. This is only a brief moment of departure, and I will be back to see you all again I promise. I know that usually when your favorite idols enlist in the army it isn't in such dire circumstances. North and South Korea have been in what seemed like peace for such a long time, but we all knew it couldn't last forever.  Some part of us deep down knew we were still at war. How long were we as a people going to fall back and enjoy freedom knowing it wasn't a luxury for all of us? Despite giving refuge to the lucky North Koreans who managed to escape we knew it wasn't enough and one day we'd have to overthrow the North Korean government. Well, the time has come to fight. Fight for freedom, fight for peace. I Min Yoon-gi vow to dedicate this coming year to the end of the tyranny in the north. After all, we didn't call you, our supportive and loyal fans our army for nothing. As I make my way into battle, I will carry your unwavering faith in me. That we will succeed. I'm fighting for All of Korea I love you all. Goodbye for now."

   The crowd looked at me in awe and there was a moment of silence followed by a standing ovation. I could feel my eyes well as I knew I had given the last bit of hope I had to our fans. I had felt a deep sadness within me since learning that I couldn't avoid serving time. After giving that speech, I understood the threat to my life going forward. I finally knew where my grief was coming from. Perhaps I wouldn't be making it back home after all.  I've never belived this war thing was serious but what if it is? Maybe Jin didn't comeback because he felt the war was a noble cause to fight for. Or maybe. I don't even want to allow that thought to cross my mind. I felt the impact of my speech though; And sure, a part of me truly meant what I was saying but even more so, I felt like running and hiding. I was angrier at the situation I was caught up in. I had to fight because this Northern leader had no respect for human rights and decency.  If only we could turn a blind eye. The speech had touched everyone. I couldn't believe I could speak from a place I didn't find myself to be. For me, those words were empty copy and paste phrases. Just something I said to comfort myself. Something I heard on the television or read in the papers. In doing so I realize it was comfort to the army as well. At least I was able to make them feel good one last time. and not just the ones here there were tons of cameras around here to document my departure.