That Was Enough

Part 1

Well, this hasn't happen in a long time, but after watching the episode, my brain immediately started writing this and there was no way I was going to be able to sleep tonight without finishing it so here you go. Trigger Warning: mentions of suicidal thoughts. Not too in detail or anything, but there is a brief discussion. 

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Carina had been busy with the party in the barn for a while, enjoying seeing all the adorable kids in their costumes and finding her thoughts drifting to what their baby would be dressed as for Halloween next year.

With each passing day, she was beginning to feel more and more like she was maybe actually pregnant. She had been wanting to take a pregnancy test, but like she told Vic, she didn't want to do it without her wife, so she had been forced to wait. Her period wasn't due for another two days, but she had been so hungry and she just felt different. She wasn't sure if that was pregnancy or the fact that she was beyond exhausted from not having her wife home with her for almost a week, but she told herself when she dragged her tired body out of bed this morning that she would be optimistic today. She was choosing that, and it was beyond hard, but she was so tired of being sad.

She wasn't big on Halloween because it wasn't something she had grown up with, but it was fun to see all the little kids in costumes and to watch them with their parents. After about an hour and a half, she noticed they were running low on candy at one of the tables so she offered to go get more candy before heading upstairs to where she knew there was some Andy had hidden earlier.

As she headed upstairs, she couldn't help but wonder where her wife was. She knew Maya said she was going to go home, but Carina thought that she would have at least come and said goodbye. However, she could also see from the look on the blonde's face earlier that she was beyond beat and knew that the atmosphere in the barn probably would have been a lot for her. Maya was incredibly good at interacting with the public, hence why she was such an amazing captain, but when she was worn as thin as Carina knew she was, Maya craved quiet and order and the barn had none of those things tonight.

As she kept thinking about Maya, she remembered she had left a load of her laundry in the dryer. Not wanting to let the clothes wrinkle, she quickly abandoned the bowl of candy, knowing that there was still plenty downstairs and if not, someone else could come grab more. She headed into the locker room, heading the shower running. She was a bit confused as she pulled the clothes out of the dryer, thinking that everyone at the station was downstairs. However, just as she was about to go hand Maya's button downs up, she heard the unmistakable sound of someone crying.

This wasn't just any cry, however, this was a cry she knew, the cry of her favorite person in the whole world, and it wasn't just a cry, but a heartbreaking sob. She quickly dropped everything she had been holding, running into the shower room.

"Maya," she called, approaching the shower stall that was closed, "Bambina."

She received no response so she took a deep breath, slightly worried as to what she was going to find behind the curtain, before pulling it back.

"Oh Bambina," she sighed, seeing her wife sitting on the floor, half her clothes on, the other half thrown around the shower stall.

Carina went to climb into the water with her when she almost shrieked at how cold the water was.

"Bambina, why are you in the freezing shower?" she asked, quickly turning off the spray.

Maya just held her knees to her chest, sobbing.

"Ok," Carina said, sitting down next to her, ignoring the fact that she was getting wet, "Maya, I'm right here."

As she went to wrap her arm around her wife, she noticed her lips were blue as were her fingertips, Carina letting out a small gasp.