Loving you from a distance

First Day Of School

*Beep beep

The sound of the alarm kept going. Five AM in the morning and I didn't have the energy to get up. First day! I thought. How am I gonna survive this school year? I bet everyone knew each other and I'll just be standing there clueless. I'm just gonna go for the shy type quiet girl image, of course with the brains. The mysterious new girl who also happens to be in the top of the class. After Ten minutes of staring into space, I finally got up and out of my bed, climbed down and jumped into the bathroom. Good thing we have hot water or else I'd freeze to death. Cold showers early in the morning aren't my thing.
I don't know if I'm nervous more than excited, or excited more than nervous. This is my first time going to school in two years and the last time wasn't exactly the best. I mean, I like change, and it can be a good thing, but am I really ready for everything? What if everyone hates me or I end up having zero friends? What if I end up being a loner or the black sheep again? What if everyone can't speak English and I'm gonna suffer attempting to speak Tagalog just so I could communicate? What if I say the wrong things and get laughed at?

So many what ifs, and possibilities I didn't know were gonna happen, and I wasn't so sure that they were all gonna be good. After I washed my hair, I left the bathroom and went into my room to change my clothes. God our uniforms suck. Why can't they look at least like the other schools? I sulked. I quickly changed into my uniform and wore the plain blue tie around my neck. After drying my hair with my towel, I put on my white socks and black shoes. Typical high school girl vibe. I brushed my long washed hair and I sprayed on my favorite perfume. The sun was rising, and the view from our 40th floor building made it look so breathtaking, and the colors of the sky were blending in better than I thought I could. I  looked in the mirror, I couldn't recognize myself. I looked liked a minion or a volleyball with my bright yellow shirt and my darker blue skirt, with my tie wrapped around my neck. I didn't care though, it's not like I can do anything about it.

I went out of my room to eat the already prepared breakfast my mom made. Both my parents were already awake and outside in the living room waiting for me. God they could be so overreacting sometimes. They kept on going on and on how I'm about to start my first day of school. Complimenting my uniform even though I hated it. I sat by the table and ate my breakfast. Typical eggs and toast. My bag was already prepared and put outside my room. I finished eating and went to do a little makeup. I'm not really into wearing alot of makeup, I like going for more of a simple, clean, but pretty look. I just put powder all over my face, and wore my mascara, and a little bit of lipstick. A light color, which no one will probably even see since I'm wearing my facemask. And yeah, I was ready. Physically ready, I meant. Emotionally? Mentally? Absolutely not! I was such an over thinker, which was exactly what I did the entire time. If I were to make things worse, my parents were bringing me to school. Ikr. I'm about to turn 16 and my parents had to bring me to school on the first day of 10th grade. Imagine the image I'll receive in school.

But I couldn't argue with my parents, they WERE bringing me to school whether I liked it or not. My older sister who went to that school previously, before she started senior high school, went with us too. She woke up early, for the first time, just because she wanted to bring me there as well. God it felt so weird having all three of them bring me to school. But I kinda didn't mind. This was indeed a big moment, and I'm sure my parents didn't want to miss it. School starts at 6:30, we left the house at like 6:20. It was the first day and I'm already gonna be late, so long for my top student image. We were rushing out the door and waiting for the elevator. Took long enough til it finally came. The doors opened and we went inside, mirrors surrounding each corner, I could see myself in my uniform with my backpack and glasses. I looked like a total nerd but that's exactly the vibe I was going for so it was okay with me. Finally in the lobby and my family kept taking pictures of me, like I get it y'all find this exciting, but I'm gonna be late for school, and I can't miss any important events because this is like orientation and all that stuff. Finally we actually left the building and started walking towards the main road. All the jeepneys were full, I mean, today is the start of school everywhere so traffic and full vehicles were to be expected, but I needed to get to school immediately and this wasn't helping.

Finally managed to get a taxi and immediately got in, but the weather that day was rainy and gloomy, what a great way to start the school year am I right? Anyways we were like almost there but because the road of the school was a small street, it was really traffic and took a while to get in, so we just walked the rest of the way. I finally made it to the school, And there was a hella lot of students. My anxiety was increasing by the minute, I stood there trying to process that this was actually happening. but I didn't know where my classroom was or where to go. I saw the high school students lining up in the main gym so I went that way. My parents were asking around the teachers and I was told to go to a specific room. I went to my room and saw bags on the chairs, my classmates were standing in line. Just looking around my classroom made me panic slightly because this was actually happening. I was gonna start school again, and after two years. I wasn't gonna be standing in front of a screen like I did during online classes, I was gonna be learning in a classroom with a teacher with new people, and it terrified me somehow.

I picked a seat at the second row to the front and set my bag down there. Then I immediately went back to the main gym to stand behind my classmates. I didn't know anyone so I just stood there behind my classmates whom I didn't know. My parents watched me as I stood in line. The fear of not fitting in, feeling lonely, having no friends, struggling with everything like I did that 7th grade was starting to sink in. What if this year will be a repeat? What if I will feel exactly how I felt during those days? What if I can't handle it even if I say I will? I was fidgeting with my fingers and playing with them to keep me calm. The flag ceremony started and they started with the main prayer, afterwards we had to put our right hand in our chest as a sign of respect because they played the national anthem. A few announcements and introductions were made. Students made their way to the front of the stage and then they started playing some upbeat music because we were gonna do Zumba.

The song was familiar to me. I wasn't sure if it was the dance I knew or if the choreography was different, but then the leaders on stage started dancing and I recognized the steps. It indeed was the dance I knew! Thank goodness! I felt superior because I memorized the steps without having to watch the leaders because the zumba dance happens to be the same one that I had during elementary school.

Not having a choice I moved to the beat, doing the steps I knew and I tried to put energy but I felt so embarrassed doing so, I just tried and it's okay. I was kinda awkward and shy when I was dancing. I felt flustered and weird somehow. My parents and sister were still in the back watching me, I could sense their laughter and I noticed that they were filming me. I didn't see other parents of the high school students and that made me even more embarrassed. They finally left after one last selfie, The song has ended and the dancers/ leaders on stage were leaving the stage and returning to their supposed lines. Me being myself was still looking around and observing everything, I had to calm myself because I could possibly have a panic attack due to all these heavy feelings.

I saw him standing there. My god he was soooo handsome. Wearing a black and red flannel over a plain white T shirt and black pants. His hair black and the way he was standing and talking to his friends. I don't know what went over me but I felt a spark. Was this love at first sight? Nope I am not going to have a crush this year. My standards are sky high and it's impossible for me to start liking someone. I haven't had a crush since 6th grade and I'm not interested in having any type of high school romance. I must focus on my studies and I have way more things to worry about then some stranger whom I just saw. Yes he's good looking I must admit, but that's all there is. He is some stranger whom I have no idea about and I do not have any feelings for him. I do not like him nor have and crush on him. I need to endure this school year and try my best to fit in and make friends. I just found him attractive, nothing else. I shall not fall in love, not now, not anytime soon.

Or so I thought....