One Last Time (COMPLETED)

Dear Mia

Dear Mia,

This book is for all the things I couldn't say out loud. I fell in love with it as soon as I laid eyes on it at that old antique shop by Mom and Dad's house. I knew you'd appreciate it as much as I did. Anyway, there's a lot I couldn't and didn't tell you, including who the twins Dad is. In this diary, you'll find that out and then some. I love you, Mimi.

                                                                                                               M.F

    The gnawed edge of the nail of my index finger traced the abbreviation of my sister's name. It was just a little pink sticky note with a strip of Scotch tape across the bottom to ensure it stuck to the first page of the diary. I tried to flip to the next page, but tears stung my eyes, and one of the babies started wailing on cue. Shutting the book, I shoved it to the bottom of my duffel bag under my clothes, hopeful none of the men would decide to dig through my persona items. As soon as I slipped out of the room the crying started to fade, and I was greeted with Tanner, a half awake mess in the middle of the room humming Yankee Doodle to Mickey as he cradled her against him. It was as sweet of a sight as Parker doing the same a couple days ago, and guilt started to surface.

      Guilt of judging both boys without knowing them. Guilt of completely dodging Tanner's attempts for over five years, thinking he was just another brainless playboy with only one desire and even less brain cells.

            "You look exhausted." I whispered, stepping through the doorway.

            He eyed me warily. "Touche."

            "Go get some sleep, Tanner. You have practice tomorrow. I got it."

            "Nope." He wagged one finger in the air and continued to sway back and forth. "Plus I'm not that tired, just high."

            I frowned, and he must have seen the disapproving expression on my face because he shot me a pointed look. "You're very judgmental, Mia. I promise it was just a little Mary Jane and I'm coherent enough to tend to your precious babies."

            My precious babies.

            "I'm not judging, Tan." I ran a hand through my hair. "Just don't want you getting into crap you shouldn't."

            He gasped dramatically. "Are you confessing you secretly care about me?"

            "Of course I care about you, you giant doofus." I mumbled. "I just don't care the way you want me to."

            He glanced down at Michaela, then lifted his head and smirked. "Ah, dear Mia, you will soon enough."

            *

            Turns out having the boys help wasn't the end of the world. Once Tanner got Michaela to sleep he finally took my recommendation and threw himself down in his room, of course offering for me to join, before he knocked out seconds later. I ended up grabbing a fussy Max and taking him into the living room with me and sitting crossed legged on the couch until he finally took a bottle and fell into a peaceful sleep in my arms. I couldn't help but stare at him, picking out the little things like the tiny curve of his nose and the slight flare of his nostrils that he shared with my sister, or me for that matter. But those eyes, even under the newborn film, were without a doubt going to be as blue as Parker's eyes. And though my sister and I had blue eyes, they were nowhere near as vibrant.

            Parker had denied it, but there was still a possibility the twins were his. He and Maya had been attached at the hip; they'd always assured it was a strictly brother-sister relationship, but my mind kept wanting to grasp at straws thinking it was more. Thinking that they'd possibly gotten drunk at a party after Homecoming and had a one-night stand which led to the babies. But my heart knew it was just my head trying to cope with all the trauma by trying to connect dots in any way I could.