The candle on the bedside table flickered briefly. Afraid of the dark since a small child, I could not find the solace of sleep without the security of light.
‘Oh no, please do not go out!’ I pleaded terrified of waking alone and defenceless in darkness. I sat up in bed to check if the candle needed replacing. It did not. Only half consumed, its flame burned steadily as if recognizing how much I needed its comfort.
‘Thank you.’ I breathed. Neck muscles relaxed as relief flooded through me. I watched the candle flame grow brighter mesmerising me. I shook my head to escape its power and as I did so on the wall behind the bedside table, a shadow crept up from the floor spreading like an evil genie as it reached the top of the wall angling across the ceiling until it loomed over me. Blinking to clear my eyes of the fog of sleep. The room temperature suddenly dropped. Shivering uncontrollably from cold or dread, the hair on the back of my neck bristled as I tried to reconcile reality and logic with fantasy and fear. Puzzled I asked myself
‘How can this be? There is nothing behind the candle flame to cast such a shadow! And it cannot be mine even though in my current state of alarm I might be afraid of it.’
Too terrified to turn round, I shut my eyes tightly, listening intently for the slightest sound which might betray a presence in the room which remained as silent as a windless desert or a Pharoah’s undiscovered tomb. I opened my eyes to see the shadow change shape from a looming genie to a crouching succubus come to seduce and drain me of my bodily fluids. Soft breath blew on my ear making my body quiver. Fingers feather soft stroked my chest tracing their way towards my lower body. Unable to resist I turned to face my phantom lover.
Instead of a beautiful ethereal woman, a handsome man sat on the bed looking down at me. Striking in a military officer kind of way, dressed in a smart blazer with shiny gold buttons, a striped regimental tie and white shirt. His sandy hair greying at the temples cut short above his ears gave him a distinguished look. Well groomed and attractive in a George Clooney kind of way.
‘I come in many forms,” it said, blue eyes bright.
Its left eye grew larger as if under a magnifying glass and zoomed in on mine. I could see a large bird like an eagle or a vulture flapping towards me from the center of this eye’s pupil appearing to get larger but only because it was dragging me inexorably into its depths. I did not have strength to fight against it as relentlessly it my soul consumed. Transfixed, hopeless and helpless in its thrall, it dragged me to the abyss and an endless fall. A silent scream of terror choked my throat. My body levitated from the bed, hovered like a hunting kestrel, plunged down and bounced back up again to float for two seconds before tumbling down again filling me with dread. Each bounce lifted me like a tiny boat beneath a surging tsunami. Ahead and over, waiting to pitchfork to hell swamped by a mountainous, steepling swell.
Then a black void swallowed me whole like a shark devouring a hapless, miniscule fish. My body hurtled from day into dark arms locked against ears, sensing the slick swish of clothes swirling and thrashing through slippery seaweed as stark dread compelled me to make a death wish pulse racing, nostrils flared, eyes screwed tight shut, bowels loosened by the fear in my gut. I plunged for what seemed a lifetime before I blacked out. Beyond caring as if dead to the core deprived of feelings like a mindless lout destroys for fun or swept ashore like surfers shattered in a last wipe-out.
Awakening in pitch blackness, I found myself in a cavern standing in a silence profound. Nothing stirred in the stillness of that place. A strange smell suffused the air like the incense used in a great cathedral to replace the smell of the poor to give no offence to God in prayers and in case the scented rich complained. Still in suspense, I stretched out a trembling hand to feel my way hoping for that which might allay my fears. Nothing. Darkness wrapped round me like a shroud.
‘Am I blind?’ I asked myself as my appeals for help echoed mockingly in emptiness.
My pleas decreased in volume as hope evaporated and the walls of the cavern closed in tight around me. Clarity returned and rational thought allowed logic to replace fear. Devoid of panic, I assessed my situation: was I trapped between heaven and hell, in limbo, or the bottom of a well? Looking up, I glimpsed a circle of light as though through the wrong end of a telescope. Stars flickered there sometimes dim, oft times bright. Obviously, I wasn’t dead nor devoid of hope because I could breathe and possessed good sight. But how to reach those stars without a rope or means of climbing up to them? If in limbo, I would be powerless to escape but if I were at the bottom of a dry well or bottle dungeon an exit might be possible if I could conceive of a way to do it.
‘If a well, it might be made of bricks to offer foot or toe holds to climb up on.’
Reaching out I felt not brick but a smooth surface of concrete. Tracking round a circular wall my hands encountered a metal ladder bolted into it. I tentatively place one foot on the first rung followed by the other. which proved to hold my weight. Just as I reached the top of the ladder a heavy access hole cover crashed down sealing the exit and narrowly missing my fingers. I lost my balance and fell backwards into the void once more but this time swept inexorably to the edge of a horrifying waterfall and tumbling helplessly like a rag in a washing machine plummeting down and landing on my bed which had turned into a terrifying trampoline. Tossed and thrown, all seemed lost until a small quiet voice whispered in my ear,
“Say the Lord’s Prayer.”
which in my naive youth I might have rejoiced to do but in aged disbelief I did not dare. God forgive me, there was no other choice. But I could not remember the words I swear until they seemed emblazoned on my brow. I recited them more in hope than in belief. Straightway the hideous bouncing lessened and the words vanquished the terror, I know not how, until I lay at peace and slept like a new-born baby.
