The heart wants what it wants⇢ Harry Greene x Ben Hope (Heartstopper)

Chapter One: FUCKING HOMOPHOBE

Disclaimers: 

1. This story revolves a lot around thoughts. So if you see italics in parentheses, those are the character's though e.g. (I hate him) That is a thought.

2. The setting, characters, and ideas all belong to Alice Oseman. I am in no way implying that this story is fully my idea. It is a fan-fiction.

This story was made for my best friend and college wife, @astrijatp, so make sure to follow her too :)

Dedicated to my best friend. This would have never happened without you.

People trust me with their secrets; they shouldn't. I try to keep them, but I just end up telling everyone. I can't help myself. I'm not like some of the Higgs girls, that are practically professional gossipers, I just... I don't know, it's probably my friends who seem to have a craving for people's secrets. It usually happens at parties. Harmless parties, none of the "wrong crowd" shit. Well, we drank lots of alcohol, there was wine, and tequila too of course. Long story short, I got drunk, my friends got drunk too, we did challenges, they asked for secrets, I gave them. Simple. And the next day they're all pissed at me when they asked for "gossip". Like, that doesn't make any sense at all.

But of course no-one cares about that.

My opinion is clearly trash.

Just because I once called a dude gay, doesn't mean that I have to be hated on for an eternity! And speaking of gay, I've changed my opinion on gay people. I've even sometimes wondered if I perhaps was --- um, wrong the whole time! About gays, I mean. I asked my father if perhaps gay people weren't that bad at all, but since I got beat up by Nick Nelson my dad hasn't really loved gay people... He even uses "gay" as an insult, but to be fair, I do too. I've changed, though. I don't need people to tell me what's right and wrong. What really annoys me is when people just shut me out. Like Charlie Spring for instance. To be honest, I hate that guy. The thing is, we'd get along just fine, I even decided to apologize, then that idiotic slut  Tara Jones comes up to me and says:

"No homophobes at my  birthday party!" 

As if she's the most important person in the world, but that's just how gay people work, I guess. Wait, no, that came out wrong. That's how Tara Jones works. The whole world revolves around her apparently. I can't say that to people though, because they all hate me now. Last year it was different, trust me. Last year on this date, this time, I was probably sitting over there in front of Truham, with my gang of popular boys who all have cute Higgs girlfriends (I never had one, but that is a) very very personal and b) entirely my business). Now I am sitting outside, by the rugby pitch, alone. I look over at my boys, the gang that used to be mine. Tommy is now leading the gang, and Christian, Sai, and Otis are his new best mates. I see Charlie Spring and his new acquaintance, also known as his boyfriend, also known as Nick Nelson. They high-five the guys on the way, and go to sit down somewhere alone. Ew. They're probably gonna make out. Ew. Gay people are just.... different. (Not that Nick Nelson would be bad to make out with, though) I immediately trash that thought. I was probably thinking about how lucky Charlie was anyway. I mean, not like that. Just that Nick's pretty attractive. Totally platonic (or however you put it now that we're not friends anymore).  There's only one other guy sitting out where I am. I try to make out who it is, but he's too far away. Instead I get distracted by the large crowd outside Higgs. The crowd includes quite a lot of Truham boys too. I see my ex-gang get up and check it out, so I do too. Not that I'm, like, a people-pleaser or something. I see Tommy looking through the fence around Higgs. I swear to God, they're guarding the girls like they're a pack of werewolves or something. Kinda funny, not gonna lie. Anyway, Tommy looks through the fence and although I'm far away, I can hear his very words echoing in my mind, as if he was right there in my brain. Or maybe that's the wrong choice of words. It's more like I see the words his lips form (the lips that long to be kissed) Ew. No. I see the boys, Otis mainly, shouting stuff like;