It went silent.
I usually hated when it went silent. It was always an awkward silence just drifting between us. But this time I liked it. I could hear your soft, gentle breaths through the phone. It was comforting. I felt as if I were laying right next to you. At first, I wanted one of us to say something. I knew you were just gong to silently sit there for a while, so I started rummaging through my thoughts.
They were all stupid.
But as I thought on, I realized it wasn't so bad. I relaxed a little bit and just lay there with the phone to my ear, listening to your calm breaths. I didn't want it to end. I could have sat there, forever lost in your stillness.
But there go my silly thoughts. I started to remember again. Everything was flooding back. Those blissful moments of peace were pushed away by this tidal wave of worry.
I think i was worrying way too loud, because I heard your soft voice strain to life.
It startled me a little when you said "Everything will be okay. I promise."
I thought had said something and hadn't realized it. I stayed quiet. Then I noticed something. My heart was beating faster, my breaths were now slight gasps. My body was shaking terribly and I started seeing spots.
"Baby, it'll be okay. Calm down."
I believe that's what you said. You were so quiet and gentle, and my thoughts were so obnoxiously loud, I couldn't quite hear your exact words.
I felt the tars well up in my eyes. You said everything will be ok. Why am I about to cry? Why I don't believe that?
I guess you knew I was about to cry because I heard you mumble something. You sounded tired. I probably should have let you go to bed then, but I was too curious to let you fall asleep, so I cleared my throat and asked you what you said.
"Just let it out, baby." You repeated.
I tried.
Stupid!
I remembered I had troubles crying.
"I can't." I croaked.
" What do you mean?' Your voice, still gentle. You were so patient with me.
"Most of the time, when I go to cry, I can't." It came out a little more whinier than I wanted it to. You probably thought I was a little baby...
"Oh.' You mumbled.
And then it went silent.
Again.
