Faith of tomorrow

Chapter 1//

ZOES POV

The horrible sound started again. It's 9am and my alarm is ringing again. Like every other morning. But today is different. Exactly a year ago I lost everything, my will to live. My hand reached the nightstand and I hit the clock so hard that it broke. I yawned and looked around, not wanting to get up. I was trying so hard to hold back my tears because the memories were everywhere. On my nightstand a picture of us on our first date, on my bookshelf a letter that he wrote me, in the corner of my room a big teddy bear he gave me for my birthday. This room was full of him, yet so empty. Suddenly, I felt a little fluffy thing on my belly, it was Felix. A little ginger cat my best friend got me as a gift. "Good morning, baby." I said with my weird morning voice as I kissed him on his little orange head. He licked my arm and meowed, like he answered me. "I know you're already hungry. Let's go." I picked up his soft body and slowly stood up.

As I entered the kitchen, Felix quickly jumped on the counter, waiting impatiently for his food. I opened the box and poured some of his granules into a bowl and put it next to my table. He immediately went to eat. I looked at the big painting above the kitchen table. Luke hugging me from behind and kissing my shoulder, it was like 3 years ago. My eyes were filled with tears, but I didn't want to come closer because I know I would cry even more, like every time. So I decided to take a shower, to clear my mind, even tho I know it won't help.

I entered the bathroom and locked myself in there, took off my pyjamas and got into the shower. I turned on the water but as soon as it reached my cuts on my thighs and wrists I hiss a bit. Yes, I blame myself for the death of the person I loved the most. And I know it won't make the pain go away but it became an addiction since the day he left me forever. Every time I think about it, about him and all the memories I want to unalive myself more and more, but It's not a solution, that's what Meggie, my best friend always says. And I know she is always right. I just stood in the shower and enjoyed the feeling of the hot water running down my naked body. My mind was mentally preparing for visiting the cemetery today. I couldn't think of anything else but him, just him. I picked up my shampoo and poured and massaged it into my dark, long hair. I waited for a while and then washed it off. I turned the water off, got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. I once again looked into the mirror. "Come on Zoe, you got this, you can do it." I said to myself while my eyes were red and highlighted by the dark circles under them. Of course it wasn't true, I can't do it without self-harming or crying myself to sleep, but it's always nice to believe that it's getting better. Even tho it will never get better. I grabbed my toothbrush and brushed my teeth with it, after that I opened a drawer under the sink where all the electronics was. I picked up my hairdryer and turned it on. The hot breeze swept across the room and my hair started to dry. I closed my eyes and my mind was now full of thoughts about how am I going to survive today. Once they were completely dried I turned the hairdryer off, put it back to it's place, unlocked the bathroom and made my way to the bedroom. 

Looking at my closet, wondering what to wear I saw a black Rammstein shirt. Someone would have think that's it's really inappropriate to wear this to cemetery but it was Luke's favourite shirt, his favourite band of all times. And mine too. We used to listen to Rammstein every day, so I decided to wear it, along with basic black jeans, black converse and black blazer which was buttoned all the way up so the shirt wasn't visible. I put my phone, keys, wallet and a lighter to in my bag. "Bye, bye Felix, be a good boy. Mommy will be back soon." I said as I patted my cat's head. I unlocked the door, walked through it and closed it again. I took a deep breath as I entered the elevator.

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I was walking in the streets of Berlin, admiring the beauty of this city which used to be my favourite place to go out with my boyfriend. In the corner of my eye I saw the cemetery. I took another deep breath and went that way. My eyes were filled with tears as I was closer and closer. After another 15 steps I was here. Looking at 

LUKE DAVIS

16/04/1972 – 20/6/2000

Forever in our hearts.

sign that was engraved on the tombstone where my boyfriend was buried. "Hey...." I said while walking closer. My thumb crossed his name. "I miss you.." I looked at the little empty glass vase. "I brought you flowers." I picked the vase up but suddenly every memory I had of him flashed in front of my eyes. The scream when he realised he's going to die. The pain and fear in his eyes before his body hit the ground. His last words....My whole body started shaking, the anger in me was boiling and I couldn't take it anymore. I squeezed the vase so hard that it broke in my hand. I fell on my knees and I was more weaker than ever. I started crying and sobbing so hard that I didn't even realised my hands are bleeding from the broken glass that shattered in them. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me" crying and crying. "It was all my fault. I miss you so much.....please....I miss you." I haven't cried like this since he passed. "Please." Tears running down my cheeks, blood running down my hands. Suddenly a hand touched my shoulder. 

RICHARDS POV

I was walking back from my stepdad's grave. It was actually the first time I was there, I had no reason to visit it before. He simply didn't deserve it. As I looked to my right, my eyes spotted a brunette girl on her knees, crying and sobbing. I didn't do anything, it was cemetery, of course everyone cries here. But when I looked closer, I saw blood on her hands, a lots of blood. I ran to her. "Hey, are you okay??" She didn't answer. Her blood was everywhere. Then I saw a broken glass near her. "Jesus Christ! Are you okay?" I looked at her, worried. Still no answer, she was just crying. I touched her shoulder and shake with her a little.

ZOES POV

Someone shook my body. I looked up but everything was so blurry. "Are you okay? What happened?!" A man's voice said. I was confused. "I-I'm...I'm o-okay." I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my blazer. "No, you're not. Do you want me to call the ambulance?" What is he talking about. For fucks sake, can't I grieve at my boyfriend's grave with some peace? But then I looked at my hands. "Oh..." Now I know what is he talking about. That's so fucking much of blood. I was speechless. The shock was too big for me to realise who is that man talking to me. He knelt next to me and took his hoodie off and started wiping off the blood next to the cuts from the glass. I flinched a bit at the fact that some random man is touching me. He noticed so he stopped. "Here." He gently placed the hoodie on my hands. "Do you want me to call someone?" I looked at him with my red eyes and realised who he was, but I was too shocked from seeing the blood so I just shook my head. "Do you need a ride home?" I just wanted to be alone. I shook my head again. "I'm fine, thanks for the hoodie. But can you just leave me alone?" The man smiled a bit. "Leave you alone? You're bleeding." God....I just want to be with Luke alone. "It's just a cut. I will be fine." I said and wiped my tears again. "Okay, how about this...I will wait in the parking lot for you, or I'm calling the ambulance. I know it's kinda inappropriate, since we're on cemetery, but let me help you." I took a deep breath. "Parking lot." I answered. He smiled and stood up, slowly walked away. I can't believe what just happened. It was nice of him but also rude, didn't he see that I'm in the middle of a breakdown? Tears began to fall again as my mind went back to Luke.