This Is Where I Go

Chapter 2: To my EX- BEST FRIEND

listen whilst you read for maximum experience. Enjoy.

Cause deep inside
There's nothing but hurt where love has died
Oh no, I
Don't want to make it alright

Don't Know Why- Ghostly Kisses

Y/N POV

With an aching heart I carefully tear the golden seal from the paper and read the letter for the last time.

Dear Tyler,
I have questions. Why did you do what you did? What have I ever done to you besides love you in the best way I could? I was always good to you. I had always cared for you and loved you more than I love myself but you decided to walk into my life, love me and leave me heartbroken. If you had no good intentions from the start, why didn't you leave me alone. You should of just left me alone. Was I an easy target for you? Someone you could release your deepest darkest ideas on and not worry about the consequences. I trusted you so much and you broke everything in me that even death would of felt better. I gave you everything I had and you took it all with a smile on your face but evil in your heart so I sit here writing this letter to you that you will never see asking myself why? but the more I dwell on it is the more I realise there is no answer that brings me any closure. All I get is empty words. I expected you to be there for me but you wasn't. You were too busy chasing other things to notice or probably you did and just didn't care. You left me alone when I needed you the most and then you called me your bestfriend. You neglected me, abandoned me and treated me like I was nothing to you. Not once, not ever did you ever ask me if I was okay, you didn't try and you left me every single day with tears stained on my cheeks whiles my heart called out to you but if I tell you this now you would say I could of talked. I DID. You never heard me or listened. I said it once, then twice, then three times and you heard none of it. I could of yelled and you still would not have cared and if you did then you have a very weird way of showing it. I wasn't expecting some grand gesture or for you to know all the answers to my problems. I wasn't expecting you to answer any of them actually. All I ever wanted was for you to be there. I wanted you to shut up for one second and listen to me. Hear my heart out then you could go on pretending you heard nothing. I'm not perfect Tyler but I always had you no matter what. It was us against the world. So many people have walked out of my life, I have kicked so many out and I have gained so many kind souls as friends but I didn't see this coming. I promised myself I would face the world with you no matter what happens to us. I would forever choose you and be your friend. I would take away all your pain just so you can feel the purest form of love and joy. I would make you laugh instead if you ever cried and I will be an ear if you needed it. I would hold your hand when you are scared and I would sit with you when you are lonely. I would build you up when you felt sad and I would cheer you on in your biggest and smallest accomplishments. I would be honest with you. I would take care of you because I love you. You were the first stranger I would die for. My heart truly held you close and you trampled all over it and you should hurt for it but I don't want to hurt you. It has been 5 months and I'm getting better at having you in my head and ignoring it and sometimes I cry and sometimes I smile but I know in the end everything will be alright. I hate you so much for giving me memories that I love that sometimes I regret meeting you. I don't know what I should say in this letter because really what's the point of it all. I write it all down and nothing ever changes but this is not for change is it ? It's a goodbye. A goodbye to the what my therapist calls it as the," trauma you gave me". Maybe now I can genuinely let people into my life again without thinking about you and maybe I can forgive myself for letting you have such power over me. I guess what I really want to say is that I forgive you and it might not do much for you or you might not care but I forgive you. I forgive you for all the pain you put me through. I know you will never understand how much you damaged me until you have felt it yourself and if there is a God in heaven I do wish that you never have to experience such pain. I wish this on no one and I know I did not deserve the pain I received from you. So Tyler, I forgive you and I love you dearly. I hate the fact that I do but I can not deny it. I still want to make sure that everyday you remain the beautiful boy I grew to value. Although I'm fed up and frustrated with the way you treat me I'll never forget that I love you and if I had the chance, I would pull you into my arms I'll listen to the flow of your heartbeat. I would breathe you in one last time and tell you that I love you. I would give you a kiss on your cheek or forehead and again tell you that I love you. I don't think our story is over though or maybe that's the last shred of hope I have speaking but hopefully one day I will see you again and when that time comes I hope I'm happier than ever. The future will be my turn. I'll end with the positive memories I have with you and I'm grateful for at least once in my life even though it hurts like a motherfucker that I got to experience love in its most radical form. I had a friend who meant more to me than anyone else. I miss you my bestfriend, my soulmate. Goodbye Tyler, I'm going to be happy without you in my life as you are without me but do me one tiny favour. Remember me. Remember me in a good light. Remember me as kind and loving towards you. Remember me as beautiful. Remember that long ago you had once loved me and if you didn't and it was all a lie. At least remember me. I will never forget you even if I wanted to and I want to.

Signing off

Liza Ambros

This is where I go now.

It's bitter-sweet how things ended between us, "the two bestfriends".

One day I hope I could explain the full story but for now I'll watch as the flames dance on my words creating beautiful patterns of love and heartbreak as I'm finally letting you go and forgiving my past. I'm ready for a new journey where I'm loved and valued, where I'm cherished and taken care of in the way I'm supposed to be.

As I leave central park I look back at the ashes scattered across the floor. One final tear rolls down my cheek as I whisper the words goodbye.

It was difficult finding a song that conveyed all my emotions but ghostly kisses has never failed me yet. I hope you guys enjoy this short story from me.