When Autumn Started Falling

3: how to get away from... here?

after my class ended, i ran towards nowhere. i just needed to be alone and to rationalize things. i needed to breathe and to think in a quiet space. i had to set my mind straight.

it was a 5 minute run before i got tired. i found myself in an open space with a mini playground– well not so mini kasi medyo malaki 'yung slide and maraming swings– and i decided to just sit on one of the swings since there's no other people here than me.

i opened my phone, i mean the OG autumn in this universe's phone, and looked at her gallery. everything is normal naman, she seems okay... she lives a normal life, she's a student here, she joins orgs and events, she has different workshops, too– she's like me but more socially active. i can also see that she's close friends with stacy because they have so many photos here, which is a parallel to my life because stacy, who looks like liz, is also a close friend of mine in my reality.

"oh? hala? is this mark and kaye? ha?" i said as i saw a group selfie of me, or this universe's autumn, stacy, kaye look-a-like i suppose, and mark look-a-like. they seem to be close friends here. we seem close in this universe. in my reality, kaming tatlo lang 'yung close. mark is out of our league. ibang level ng burgis 'yun e. also, he's a famous person in our school and a very active person.

kaming tatlo, si kaye lang 'yung nag-oorg. si liz, too masungit para magjoin ng org and makipagsocialize with people, and ako, super low ng social battery. hence, the no org life.

i feel so invasive right now. i've been scrolling through original autumn's phone and opening everything just to see any clues, ideas, or help that can make me wake up from this dream or help me get out from this unknown reality but to no avail. i only saw things that you usually see on people's phone. pics, docs, pdf ng reviewers.

i looked at the ground hopelessly. my God, is this really happening?

"why do you look so lost?"

from the ground, i looked up to see mark look-a-like. he was holding the rope connecting the seat of the swing to the metal bar, towering me. he's already tall and to be honest, he even looks taller now with the way he's standing.

it's like as if "asserting dominance" is a posture.

"maybe because i am," i answered, as if i'm talking to the real mark.

how does the real autumn speak? how does she act? she moves? does she move like me? or we're only physically similar but our actions and behaviour are different? should i act as her or should i act as me?

"would you mind sharing it to me?" mark asked. he let go of the rope, allowing me to swing again. he, then, sat on the swing beside me.

"you won't believe me if i do," i said.

i looked at him. he wasn't looking at me so it gave me time to study his face. he really look so similar to the mark in my reality. every feature of him, up to his mole and his jaw, is so mark from my world. he's just like stacy and liz. he's like a carbon copy of mark. even their voice is the same.

pero i just realized, i haven't asked for his name yet. his name in this reality.

"try me," he said. bigla siyang lumingon sa'kin and agad naman akong umiwas ng tingin.

he can't catch me weirdly staring at him!

"what if i tell you i'm not the real autumn? like, i just look like her, physically. but the memories, emotions, mannerisms, etc– it's all different from the autumn that you guys know?"

he stared at me for a whole minute with nothing but silence. i was waiting for him to laugh and ask if i'm crazy. or i expected him to think that i'm fooling around. but his face suddenly showed concern then he said, "are you having an existential crisis again?"