LOVING MRS. BLAIRE

Her Cozy Home

It was a cold morning when I got the call from Mrs. Blaire to come and visit her since I don't come so often.
I know she misses me but when I discover something is not right with me I avoid going to her house, I know it sounds childish or immature of me, but I am sparing myself more heartache.
I don't know really when it starts to look at her in a different way rather than a mother figure,
Slowly I'm feeling so attached to her than usual 
And it makes me wonder why.
So I take my time to think, I don't call her every day, as I used to.
It makes me miserable in so many ways because we used to talk about everything every day.
We love to cook and bake at her house whenever we like.
She's so caring, sweet, and loving toward me, she considers me as her child.
And this feeling I got for her is not appropriate, not for any thousand reasons.
And for almost A month not talking to her broke my heart into a hundred pieces.
She always calls me asking what is my problem and asks me to come and visit her but I always told her that my internship got me busy.
On some days she came to the house like she always does, to cook for me, and sometimes clean and organize the condo my father gave me.
She got the spare key to it, so whenever she wants she can go to it.
She knows that I like girls since I was a little girl she and Mom are very close they talk a lot about almost everything.
3 years ago when the accident happened I was 18 years old back then.
I had a sleep at her house with her twin daughters Zoey and Sony, the same age as mine.

Flashback

Late that night while my Dad and Mom having their anniversary vacation going to a resort in Hawaii, a life-changing thing happened, they got into a car accident, It was nerve shocking for me when I hear Mrs. Blaire receive the call
She got paralyzed hearing it while looking into my eyes, I vaguely remember she was deeply looking at me with tears running down her face, holding my hand firmly.
" Honey, I know this gonna sound bad, I am sorry but
She holds her breath and stops for a while not wanting to continue but she knows that I have to know what is happening regarding my parents
" I'm sorry honey, but your parents were involved in a car accident and they are in the hospital now"  her voice trembling as my body began to frail at that very moment, I can't breathe it was like something blocking my nostrils, and my heart and head was gonna explode in that minute.
She's hugging me tightly and we are both crying.
After One day of waiting in vain for the most painful news, I got in my entire life.
I lost my mother at that moment, she did not survive while my father was still in the ICU fighting for his life.
It was a nightmare for my family, especially for me, I feel distraught at my age losing your mother a dear best friend to me, it's like I lost one eye.
My father recover from it but we all became distant from each other, his grieving, he used to drink a lot, and at some point, he was careless with our business.
It's the hardest part of my life I graduated from college not having my parents.
Mrs. Klea Blaire's family was there for me they are all I had got that moment I feel this emptiness I manage to hide it.

It's been five long years of living alone, I have on-and-off relationships.
I don't stay too long whenever I feel I'm being attached I back off.
Mrs. Blaire knows it all, she became my second mother I told her all my relationships and she just asks me to always take good care of my heart and always be happy.
Her twins already married A year ago and she had one granddaughter with Sony.
She persistently asked me to have a lasting partner but I always told her that I am ok with being Like now, No hassle, I can do whatever I want, without any complications.
She just shrugs not knowing what it means.

My phone rang and I was back in reality
It was Mrs. Blaire
" Honey, I'll wait for you here I cooked your favorite"
Honey that's the endearment name she used to call me. and every time I hear it always music in my ears.
I had a lot of middle age women friends and they all call me different names like honey, babe, and baby because I'm a bit younger than them, but whenever Mrs. Blaire uses the word Honey it always gave me butterflies not only in my stomach especially in my heart.
I can't say no to her this time because I'm run out of reason and she will for sure gonna ask a lot of questions that I either do not know the answers to.
"I will K, I'll be there in about 20 minutes" I message her back.
She told me to call her Mom or Tita but I prefer to call her K. I don't know why but I love calling her K.

I got to her house at exactly 9:20 am, Honestly, I miss this house and I miss K.
I don't have to use my key because she's waiting for me outside their door.
God, I miss her, her scent and the way she looked at me had a bit of sadness, and I hate seeing her like that especially when I am the cause of it.
" Hey, she hugs me tight and looked into my eyes afterward, And I can't look back at her beautifully place blue eyes.
Almost a month of not seeing her makes me more drawn to her beauty her elegance and the way she walks with confidence and grace. She holds my hands while entering their door her back pacing me, her short black hair gives her aura to look younger at her age.
She looked back at me still holding my hand, taping it gently with her other hand and I still lost words, it is different than before because we used to talk a lot and everything,
"Arcane, I'm a bit upset, and at the same time confused, ' I know she will say it
She calls me by my name so I know she's being serious.
"Are you that busy, for not giving me a minute to call, you know I' m worried when you're not answering my call'' she toned a bit low and I know she was upset.
"K, I'm sorry, I'm just focusing on my internship" I lied not looking into her eyes again.
"Honey, can you look me in my eyes are you mad at me?" her voice concern me
I looked into her eyes and tap her hand placed on my lap
"Nothing serious just caught up in my schedule, K" because the truth is I don't know how could I explain it to her because even I cannot explain it.
She sits on the couch and I sit opposite her and she looked at me intently. A small gesture makes her question my ways cause whenever we sit on this couch I always sit beside her holding her arms. But now it's different.
And she stands up and goes to the kitchen and is not back for a while.
I'm worried but I don't want to prolong any of this, I want whatever I feel for her to stop because I know It will never happen in this lifetime.
After almost an hour she came back and I know she cried because her eyes became puffy when I looked at her she looked the opposite.
It breaks my heart to see her that way, I know I can't tell her what I feel not now.