The Big Bang Theory - Male OC Insert

Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot

We see Sheldon Cooper and Leonard Hofstadter walking through a corridor at a sperm bank in Pasadena, California.

Sheldon: So if a photon is directed through a plane with two slits in it and either slit is observed it will not go through both slits. If it's unobserved it will; however, if it's observed after it's left the plane but before it hits its target, it will not have gone through both slits.

Leonard: Agreed, what's your point?

Sheldon: There's no point, I just think it's a good idea for a T-shirt.

They both walk into an empty waiting room with a receptionist who was looking at a crossword puzzle in the newspaper.

Leonard: Excuse me?

Receptionist: Hang on.

Leonard looks at the crossword from the other side of the desk, then begins pointing out the words to help her.

Leonard: One across is Aegean, eight down is Nabakov, twenty-six across is MCM, fourteen down is... move your finger... phylum, which makes fourteen across Port-au-Prince. See, Papa Doc's capital idea, that's Port-au-Prince. Haiti.

The receptionist gives Leonard an unimpressed look, most likely due to him taking the fun out of it.

Receptionist: Can I help you?

Leonard: Yes. Um, is this the High IQ sperm bank?

The receptionist continues to glare at him.

Receptionist: If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't be here.

Sheldon: I think this is the place.

The receptionist hands Leonard and Sheldon a clipboard each.

Receptionist: Fill these out.

Leonard: Thank you. We'll be right back.

The pair goes to sit down.

Receptionist: Oh, take your time. I'll just finish my crossword puzzle. Oh wait.

Leonard begins to fill out his form, until Sheldon looks up with an expression of realization.

Sheldon: Leonard, I don't think I can do this.

Leonard: What, are you kidding? You're a semi-pro.

Sheldon: No. We are committing genetic fraud. There's no guarantee that our sperm is going to generate high IQ offspring. Think about that. I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix who hostesses at Fuddruckers.

Leonard: Sheldon, this was your idea. A little extra money to get fractional T1 bandwidth in the apartment.

Sheldon: I know, and I do yearn for faster downloads, but there's some poor woman who is going to pin her hopes on my sperm. What if she winds up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve for the area under a curve?

Leonard: I'm sure she'll still love him.

Sheldon: I wouldn't.

Leonard: Well, what do you want to do?

Sheldon: I want to leave.

Leonard: Okay.

Sheldon: What's the protocol for leaving?

Leonard: I don't know, I've never reneged on a proffer of sperm before.

Sheldon: Let's try just walking out.