𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗿𝘆𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗿𝗲𝘀 - my personal life

everyone deserves to know

the feeling of stress, the several spoon fulls of guilt within me but when I scroll back through the several memories we had, I realise how much you harmed me.

if you drawn me on a wide blank canvas, you see all the bruises, scars ,decomposing organs inside me.
my heart stabbed with a huge knife
emotions slipping out
back stabbed
hurt
belittled
talked behind back
last of all
just
all full of guilt

why did I become friends with you?
why did I tell you stuff most people don't know?
why did I trust you?

you made me feel as I was always wrong
u hated my opinions

most people miss their old friends

yk what

I miss the

old

you

once a supportive, kind , loving friend

now you just changed dramatically
and made me feel like shit

you keep on spreading mixed signals
do you want to my friend or not

you ask to hang out with me
and do
and then ignore me the next day

and you know what hurts
everyone
agrees with you
supports you
sees you are hurt
when you cry
everyone comforts you
I always comforted you

but no one understands"the friend"
always ignores there presence
and feelings
doesn't agree with their opinions
or
they support the tormenter but not the friend that witnessed and cared for them and their problems

you know how much that hurts
it hurts that much that you have to
keep away from expressing those emotions, crying

it's also hard when they spread false information to everyone and get so much attention from it . you realise in that case how much people love/ed them and how much people care/ed about them but at the same time you see how much damage that has done. that one lie can cause a huge situation in my head

what a fuck is wrong with them
why would they lie
why would they do that

but ofcourse when people find out people comfort them
and sympathise for them

but obviously don't care about the friend
don't notice what that friend has felt
and how that friend feels

why do people not see the bad in them
would someone that is a good freind do that?
why would someone make dozens of people sad?
and not tell anyone the truth
and hesitate to spill anything
not caring about the people who are believing the sick lie
but only if that freind says "that is fucked up , man I can't forgive you for that"
the friend suddenly does the good/ moral thing
of revealing that lie
only when I tell them to

that tells me
1. you expect me to help you
2. you don't want to forgive anyone only when i remind you what you did is wrong
3. that you are using me to be your angel

that's fucked up

it's way to fucked up

it's way to much signals

toxic

guilt

ambition

strength

power

control

I physically can not suffer just because your pleasure

and just to say that this is only one of the fucked up things you don't

sick thing about it is you get the best out of it either way

with me you can use me for you own fucked up ideas

without me you can just do your little trick

making people sympathise

I admit I did wrong stuff
many

but it'd not the same
you have done much worse
and expecially to a wide scale

moral of the story
don't do what I did

don't befriend her