Landslide | MYUNGHYUK

Landslide

If you love someone, you let them go was a concept Myungjun always had troubles to grasp in its entirety. Fighting for what was worth sounded way more rational than giving up, he believed, better than simply stepping aside and let go like it didn't matter.
Now, torn between keeping Minhyuk close or freeing him completely, he doesn't know what to do, because what they have doesn't fall in any of the made up categories he always thought a relationship was all about.

Myungjun would say they are together -he would go as far as to say they are soulmates, whatever that means.
He does love Minhyuk, and Minhyuk loves him back just as fiercely -that is something no one could ever take away from them. Even when people walked in and out of their lives, meaningless flings of a night or faux promises broken after a mere week, they have always gone back to each other without questioning or regrets. Unconditionally.

This time, however, it is different. Myungjun knows it could work, he can see it in the way Minhyuk smiles and how nervous he is before what he still refuses to call a date, in fear to jinx it. It shows in the blush dusting his cheeks when they talk about how nice would be to have someone, and as heavy as his chest feels, Myungjun is glad that Minhyuk might have found that someone, after all; as much as he would want to throw a fit, he just can't do it, he can't demand anything. That has always been the silent pact between them, nothing exclusive, simply being there for each other when they needed it.
Maybe that's why it hurts nonetheless, thinking about what it could have been if only they defined it, instead of lulling themselves into believing things would have never changed, that it would have always been so easy.

Myungjun is not sure how he will address it when he knocks on Minhyuk's bedroom door, or how it will end, but he realizes it has to be done before it gets to the point they won't be able to fix it anymore.

"Hey", he calls soflty. "Are you busy?"

"Not at all", Minhyuk sets his phone aside, screen facing down, like he always does when Myungjun requires his full attention. "What is it?"

"I- I think we should talk"

Minhyuk smiles, uncertain, the shadow of a doubt crossing his face. He still welcomes Myungjun in his arms and lays down with him, like they are used to do when they can't sleep or they need a shoulder to cry on and a comforting dose of cuddles.

"Whenever you are ready", he mutters. "I am here"

Myungjun takes a moment to sort his own thoughts out, feeling the warmth of Minhyuk's body against his.
"You really like her", he states simply. Not a question, not an ounce of hesitation, only the truth.

Minhyuk stills for a second, before going back to play with his hair. "Are you mad?"

He could have denied, or panic, and yet he puts Myungjun and his feelings before anything else.

Myungjun shakes his head. "I thought I would be but it is cute, actually, seeing you so invested"
Even if it is not me, he thinks. He loves Minhyuk so much that he can't be angry at his happiness, no matter how hard he tries.

"She asked about you, about us", Minhyuk blurts out when silence becomes constricting. His voice is muffled, but Myungjun can hear it is starting to tremble.

"What did you tell her?"

"Everything", Minhyuk admits candidly. "She said it's okay -for a while, at least, until I figure it out"

"Then you shouldn't leave her hanging, not everyone would be fine with that"

"Would you?"

"Mh?"

Minhyuk sniffles quietly against his t-shirt. "If you were her, w-would you wait for me?"

Myungjun feels his own tears threatening to fall, because he would. He is so willing to wait for Minhyuk until the end of their days, but maybe it's not their path to follow, maybe they are just not meant to be that way.

"You know that I love you, right?"

"I do too, hyung, so much I can't even explain. You are my person. It is all so damn confusing right now, I- I am sorry"

"Don't be", Myungjun murmurs. "You did nothing wrong"

Minhyuk takes a deep, shaky breath. "I don't want to let go of you"

"But?"

"But it feels... right. Being with her, I mean, just as it does when I am with you. In a completely different way, but I- I feel like I should give it a try"

It does sound like the end. Myungjun allows himself to break down, too, Minhyuk still sobbing against his chest, mouth full of apologies he doesn't owe him. If someone is to blame, then Myungjun is just as at fault, but he doesn't want to reduce everything they went through to the last stage of it. It wouldn't be fair, for the love that has kept them tied for so long and that he is sure won't disappear just like that.

"Hey, look at me", he asks gently. "I don't care if you date half of the people on this planet and get married ten times -you will always be my baby and that won't ever change, understood?"

A smile breaks through Minhyuk's despair, feeble but hopeful. "Can I still come to you in the middle of the night and annoy you just because I am bored?"

"Of course", Myungjun chuckles, and the lump in his throat loosens up ever so slightly. "You are my best friend before everything else, don't forget that"

"And you are mine. I- I am really sorry, hyung, I didn't mean this to happen"

Myungjun sighs, drying Minhyuk's tears with his sleeve. "It is not a crime to fall in love. Don't worry about me, alright?"

"Will you be okay?"

"Damn, you make it seem like no one will ever take me as their wonderful, gorgeous, incredible-"

"Stop, I get it" Minhyuk laughs, pinching his side. "That is not what I meant and you know it"

"It's fine, seriously", Myungjun shrugs. "I understand, and you would have done the same for me. As long as we are here for each other-"

"Always", Minhyuk nods, holding his hand. "It is a promise"

It will be harder, maybe, a bit more awkward until they will find a new pace, but it will still be them.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Only if it's a see you later kind of a kiss and not a goodbye one"

"You have to be picky until the end, don't you?"

"I thought you liked it", Myungjun protests.

Minhyuk smiles, cupping his cheeks. He kisses away every tear Myungjun fails to hold back, the tip of his nose, his closed eyelids, heavy with tiredness; he kisses Myungjun until strength abandons him again, too, and there is no need to pretend anymore.

"Thank you, for letting me be on my own", he whispers. "I love you, don't ever think otherwise"

Myungjun is desperate for air, yet refuses to leave his lips. "I know", he cries. "I know, Minhyuk-ah"

His head is about to burst when they fall asleep, close as if they are scared to drift away without even realising.
It's a mess, but that too shall pass.