To Fix You-To Fix Us

6

NATASHA

   It had been two weeks since Natasha started trauma therapy, the psychiatrist prescribed her with xanax for her mania and ptsd. The blackouts were harder for her doctor to break down because of the intensity of the conditioning she suffered under Dreykov. Natasha hadn't exactly been cooperating with her therapist when it came to those conversations anyway. She was open with Dr. Foy about her blackouts and how angry she would get when she was fighting but she didn't like talking about the Red Room because then she'd have to talk about Yelana. Dr. Foy was being patient with her but the time had come. It was time to talk about the "root" the "why" and figure out why Natasha was still being haunted.
    The red head twirled a  piece of her hair with her index finger as she looked at the maroon carpeting in Dr. Foy's office. The room was always tense, and sharp even before either of them had spoken. But Dr. Foy had spoken many times, Natasha was just tucked away thinking of what's to come after the session. Thinking of what Yelena could be doing at home.
   "Natasha?" said Dr. Foy. "Should I repeat the question?"
  The avengers blue eyes met with Dr. Foy's for a split second before her eyes were on the carpet again. "Yes please."
   "How were you this week? Any blackouts?"
  "No..not really," said Natasha. She'd had two blackouts last week. One whilst she was training on her own and another when Yelena had a nightmare that ended with them both fighting.
   "Could we talk about the shiner then?"
"It was an accident. I hit her first."
     "Yelena? How is she doing?"
"She's... making progress," Natasha lied. Yelena was getting worse, she didn't even like going to the grocery now. But she also hated to talk about it so Natasha wasn't getting anywhere with her.  "I think she's just missing me. She sleeps in my bed now."
     "She can take some sessions here as well if she's ready."
"She's not ready," Natasha said that quickly too quickly for Dr. Foy. "She's just not ready."
       "You're really protective of her."
"I'm supposed to be her sister and I failed at that when she needed me most."
    "Because you escaped?"
  "No, because I left her. I didn't protect her and I stopped seeing her as my sister. And she's not well now even with my protection."
   "You were quite young when you escaped, you needed protection too."
Natasha watched Dr. Foy write in her notebook, "I know, and I know everything I did lead me here but I never thought about Yelena. I let myself forget about her but she never forgot about me."
    "Do you two ever talk about it?"
  "She doesn't like to and I don't want to force her. We cried about it three weeks ago but then we just stopped talking about it. "
       "It's good for both of you to talk about these things, especially if she's staying with you long term."
    "Yeah, perhaps it is."

—-

  When Natasha got back Yelena was in the kitchen singing 'Dream a Little Dream' to herself as she made two very sophisticated looking plates. Yelena was wearing Natasha's baby pink robe and slippers with an apron. She smiled at her sister, a smile that Natasha was apprehensive to return given that they had a huge fight last night. Yelena's shiner under her left eye was bright as day to remind her of it.
   "Hi Tata."
"Hi Yelena, it smells really good in here," Natasha gave up on switching to English and their primary language together was Russian again. Though Yelena often used English when she wanted to use less words in their conversations, most often their more serious conversations.
   "It's steak with chili butter over rice!" said Yelena. "I didn't make vegetables because I know you don't like those."
   "Spasiba. How did you cut the steak?"
"The knife box was open but don't worry I didn't do anything reckless," Yelena popped open a glass of red wine and poured them each a glass. "Sit down! How was therapy?"
   "Pleasant I guess. Look Yeye I'm really sorry I hit you-"
"Tata I don't want to talk about it," Yelena switched to English.
"Yelena you never want to talk about it though. I'm supposed to be helping you," Natasha sat down in front of Yelena who had already started eating. She smiled as she chewed.
   "It's very good Tata you should try it."
"Yelena! Please!"
     "Tata! It's my fault I had the stupid nightmare and it's my fault I piss myself! It's not yours. I would've punched you if you peed in my bed too."
   "I hit you because the bed was wet and it made me think of when he would make us stand in cold water. Not because you peed yourself having a nightmare."
    She watched her baby sister's stubborn green eyes soften for a moment but Yelena said nothing. She reached for the wine bottle to refill her glass but Natasha grabbed it first.
  "You want to fight again?" Yelena asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Why won't you listen to me?"
     "I am listening to you. I just don't know what you want-"
"I WANT YOU TO ACCEPT MY APOLOGY!" Natasha shouted standing up. "I JUST WANT YOU TO ACCEPT MY APOLOGY."
   Yelena stood up and removed her apron looking her big sister right in the eyes. "For punching me? Or for leaving me with Dreykov to be his sex slave?"
  The last question made Natasha's chest fall, now the pieces were together but her sister was in front of her, falling apart as she did the same.
   "I-If you weren't going to forgive me why did you agree to come?"
"It's not about you Tata, everything isn't always about you," Yelena wiped a frustrated tear from her face. "But I see what is happening, I'm making you worse. So it's better I go."
  "No-no Yelena-"
Yelena took off Natasha's robe revealing one of her old ballet leotards and shorts underneath. She grabbed her shoes and left the house leaving Natasha there.
   In pieces.