In the car, on the way home from the doctor today, with my mom and grandma in the front seat, another car pulled out in front of ours, and grandma slammed on the brakes, and her arm shot out in front of mom, and that got me to thinking. (Ooo scary thought.) And I realized it's a mother's instinct to protect her child. Then my mind wandered to the fact, it's like I have two moms. My biological mom, who helped raise me, bought me things I wanted that she could afford, and even though she wasn't a very good parent, with very bad boyfriends, and I got tooken away and given to my grandma for that reason, she was always there. Even in my moments of blind rage where I treated her like shit, she got mad, but when it was said and done, she was always there. And my grandma, who raised me, gave up everything she had, gave me her food if I was hungry, bought me things I didn't deserve, taught me right from wrong, was a mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, care taker, nurse, chef, janitor, the central control of the family basically, we never had enough money, but she made it work. She paid the bills, bought me clothes, toys, books, earphones, stuffed animals, candy, monsters, everything she could afford that wasn't crazy kr dangerous. She's getting me a guitar for my birthday. I've been a bitch lately cause of depression, but she still cares. She held me while I cried cause I thought my very best friend had committed suicide, she tries to sheild me, mom, and my little brother from the things that could hurt us. She's never spanked me or hit me in any way. I've been grounded, but she's never hurt me. Even the times I probably deserved some respect slapped into me. When I'm in the whole pre-panic attack stage I get really mean, I don't hit them, but I have a hella sharp tongue. When I've probably hurt her beyond belief, and I start bawling, and rocking back and forth, and clawing at my arms, and screaming, she gets me water, and Benadryl, and holds me, pats my back, strokes my hair, sings to me, everything to calm me down. And I just realized she does all this even though I hurt her. She has me, who is ADD, my ADHD lil bro, my Autistic mom, and a pending divorce, and very low income, yet you know what? Never once does she complain to us. Sure, sometimes she hits her breaking point, and says thinks she doesn't mean, but she apologizes. I can never ask for anything more than I have. I have my grandma, who is amazing, and my mom, who is in her own way.
Your real mom may not be all that good, but there is someone, if only a motherly figure, who is amazing, and loves you unconditionally.
