The Waits That Never Ends

HER LIFE

Moving is never easy, you have to adapt and socialize, you have to behave and always look behind you cause you never know what to expect. My first day was.....eventful to say the least. All I did today was to adapt, make friends, and get used to the place I will spend a significant time. All in all, it was ok. I did make One new friend, Navya. She is a total patakka, a total drama queen she is.

One thing that had never left my mind was those eyes.....so similar to Aarav's, whenever I have alone time I always think of the what if's, like if was alive would we still be friends? What will he look like? will I still matter to him like before? But then all those thoughts crash down when reality gives a check. HE IS DEAD, NEVER TO RETURN.

Maybe it was in my faith that I never got to say a proper goodbye or even see him for the last time, I wouldn't have been able to bear the pain. I have long since then come to accept the truth and reality, yet I know in a little corner of my heart there is still hope of him being alive, living well, and being happy.

 Many a time I have thought of just ending this and finally being united with him but then I remember my Parents, Abhi, Veer Bhai, Anika maa, and soo many other people who have been there for me, loved me, and cares for me. Also, the disappointing face of Aarav when he sees his star giving in, is too much to bear so I push through the pain and live, just for him, just like he wanted to.

It's never easy, I have had my moments of weakness, the crash of all the bottled-up emotion finally crashing over the surface, all the pent-up anger, frustration, longing, and the empty space in my heart. I know there are many out there who would be like 'Isha you were only ten at that time, you don't even remember it', but it's not that easy to forget when he has been a major part of my life since day one, and Love is never restricted to age, it can happen wherever and whenever it wants.

I have learned to push through and become someone Aarav would be proud of, someone my family will be proud of and someone the world can look up to. I have learned to put all my emotions into my songs, dance, and lyrics. Each and every song that I have ever written is connected to him, one way or another. It may seem impossible but then this is Aarav's Isha and she can do anything.

But will Aarav even like this Isha? Cause Aarav's Isha has long since been locked up, under hundreds of fake smiles and masks. It only ever comes out when I sing, that too just a glimpse. I know my family missed their daughter and sister but they have accepted that she is now no more the same girl as before.

I am a fighter and this girl is not going down without a fight. She will fight to the death.

'Main adhuri si hi thi, you hi chalti rahi aake thujpe ruki hu'

~Sarina