Body, Mind And Soul

My mind

I'm not sure why I'm writing this, I'm not doing it for pity or to make better of myself but I need to get something down to take my mind off things. All my life I've been told mountains of advice by regular people, they aren't god's, they don't really know anything but they act as if they do.
All the voices overlapping together, the voices I hear on the daily stick in my mind and won't go, I've only had it a couple times when I'm alone and it's peaceful, but my mind fills with chaos of loud overwhelming voices of men and women and all talking, I don't know what they're saying because it's all too much, they drown my own words, everything moves so quickly and I wish it would stop, I cover my ears and want to scream but it will be overbearing for me, all I can do is cry and hope it will end.

Is this normal? I ask, Is anything really normal? I could write this all on paper but I didn't. The world's taken over by what we consume daily, what if we didn't have it, would people bare another day? Or would they die from loneliness or being drowned out from the talks they've heard all their lifetime? All these questions but no one really knows, no one really knows what they're talking about, they all get information online or from others but where did it really come from? Voices. Voices over and over in my head, but silence is much worse, it makes me realise just how alone I really am. How alone everyone feels, even if they have loved ones surrounding them no one has ever been in their shoes, seeing through their eyes, speaking from their mouth, only the bodies their souls are attached to, why is my soul attached to this body?

A body I start to hate, a body I hide from others, a bad diet and a broken heart all to be used by someone who can't love when I don't want that. All I want is for it to stop, I sometimes think maybe I want people there, people to support me when in fact they all feel the same way and will never truly understand because we are all just bodies with souls that think and know too much that it breaks us, it breaks us like we are nothing, we are nothing. People beg to be with someone, to love them and hold, but I don't understand why, maybe I was raised that way or maybe it would be too much for me, to open up to someone and tell them how I really feel and all the things I've seen and heard when in fact it would only make things worse, it would make me regret everything if I told them how I really felt, what I really want. If I were to raise a child I would want them to not think like this, to not have all this running through their mind on a daily, I'd hope they would understand like me and see things in their own way, not a sheep following every order and doing everything people tell them to do. But the last thing I'd want for her is to have a broken heart and be a lost souls like I am, still waiting for something, not Love, not Lust but something, a light to show and tell her she's okay. Tell her one day that she doesn't have to be like this anymore, if i had her I think something missing in my life would finally be there, a missing piece, my everything, something that came from me and I can't lose, to lose her would be the worst thing, worse than death, worse than heartbreak, worse than a widow but the empty body I'd leave behind all for them to be alive and happy, no drowning voices, no suffering just bliss.

~

A forest in the woods, trees surrounding and a cabin nearby, the texture all around of wet leaves on the ground from rain, the patter on the ground, the wind breezing past my face leaving a chill, I know there is an ocean nearby, waves crashing and seagulls chirping, I'm alone and afraid there but somehow I feel safe. In the woods I stand facing nothing but a plain tree, it used to be them who would stand there but now they're gone, I still see them in the distance looking at me, unsure, separated by still close by to tell me they aren't going yet.
I go to this place when I hear a certain melody, a song that takes me somewhere else, maybe a memory? Or maybe somewhere that feels like home, I can't move when I'm there and I fear something I don't know yet it feels safe and comforting. I wish things could be that simple.