now to whoever reads this i want you to know i don't usually think like this and i let everything get to my head.
am i gross??
why doesn't he like me. am i too fat? maybe my face?? maybe its the way my hair falls into my face. what if he just doesn't like me? maybe its how i act so stubborn and rude all the time.. maybe its more of the fact i close myself off. he has to think I'm gross though. i feel like he doesn't care much about me maybe just my body. what if he only wants sex and nothing to do with me. I'm scared the first time he sees me he won't want me anymore. i can't believe i feel this way again with someone. i like him a lot. I'm just scared he's going to judge me and his family. what if his mom and sisters all dislike me, even worse his younger brother. even my friends tell me to go see him, and that I'm not bad looking but I've seen how i look from other peoples perspectives. i feel disgusting and fat, seeing my body and face in the mirror every morning and dreading to see my friends. seeing how perfect everyone is compared to me makes me want to cry i can't believe i take this all out on him. he's so nice i love him but I'm just scared. I FEEL FAT I FEEL FAT I NEED TO STOP EATING FOR HIM I NEED TO STOP EATING STOP EATING STOP EATING. stop eating {my name}. eating will only make things go worse for you. start your new meds and stop eating, stop eating now. you are fat and disgusting. no one will like you unless you're skinny even him. he's skinny himself and hates fat people. how am i going to let myself eat, from now on every 10 calories i eat I'm going to have to punish myself by cutting myself. to make him happy and love me more, all of this is for him. i want to be the best looking i can be for him. i want to see physical changes in myself, stop eating, you just hurt your leg. now you don't have to go be around food so stop eating {my name}. its unhealthy its unhealthy your doctor even gave you medicine to help you lose weight. become full on anorexic, not like anyone would notice why would they notice not like you show any emotions or anything. be blank don't let anyone see through you. you feel like shit a lot but at night because you stare at yourself in the mirror constantly. STOP EATING STOP EATING STOP EATING. ITS UNHEALTHY UNHEALTHY. EAT AN APPLE IF NOT LESS IN A DAY. BECOME SICK FROM IT. SEE THE CHANGES. you will be happier once you see your hair falling out, you start seeing black after standing up. and you'll really like it when you start losing the weight. YOU ARE FAT YOU ARE FAT YOU ARE FAT. stop eating it's not worth the calories or flavor. only until you're skinny enough {my name}. C{} YOURSELF FOR EATING OR STARVE AND FEEL BETTER. LOOK BETTER FEEL BETTER. YOU ARE NOT WORTH IT YOU ARE NOT WORTH IT I AM NOT WORTH IT. i need to stop eating i have a problem with eating. just drink more water. more water less food. DO NOT EAT AT ALL. IF YOU EAT IM GOING TO HATE MYSELF, DO YOU WANT THAT?
