my thoughts on harmful media

harms of society

id like to preference this as i am 148 pounds, healthy weight for me. i was recently diagnosed with anorexia, this seems personal.. i know. it is. i struggle with weed and nicotine. i use wattpad to share my random thoughts. and with that being said id like to discuss how social media has affected me as a person. i used to be a happy go lucky person with the best social idealization. but since ive grown up more i've lost my spark. and id like to think it goes back to social media, seeing how skinny, thin, and pretty everyone is just isn't helpful ive fallen off of using snapchat because i can't help but find myself staring at friends and wishing that it could be me. ive stopped using instagram almost completely because of the same reasonings. i use tumblr and pinterest just to find cute outfits and other things. seeing how skinny and pretty others can get has changed me though, my body and mind is starting to reject the thought of food again. having people come to me and tell me they're purging isn't ideal either.

but with all this said, social media isn't just affecting me its affecting everyone. we all want to better ourselves because of it. with social media there's people out there that will point out insecurities you didnt even know you had yet. i just wish people could be more realistic, we will never all look the same. i find such things like acne, braces, hair, and pudgyness attractive. yet to others its just something to make fun of. 

seeing how ex boyfriends or girlfriends have turned out because all they see is social media and how perfect others can be truly hurts me. having someone you love tell you they need to workout more or learn new makeup techniques just to become more conventionally attractive hurts. because its not like they're fixing their flaws or anything, they're accentuating things they think others will like. everything anyone does is mostly for other people. 

ive recently started studying the warms of charming people via serial killers ect. sitting up taller, wearing brighter colors, always having a smile on your face, using hand gestures, can all help people think they like you more without you changing yourself with looks. i feel as if society just changes their body language they will find themselves more attractive to whoever they want. you need a good personality not a good body. 

i have friends that are all just so focused on their looks as im in the background. i try studying body language to the best of my abilities so i can see what someone likes and doesn't like. i also have looked into irritation and lying, just to see when people seem most uncomfortable. ive also learned patience, my best friend is incredibly fast paced talking with no accountability to when she needs to stop or to focus. and with her by my side i believe i can help her grow as a person, she's been weaning off social media like me. i think i can help her figure out she doesn't need to look or speak or feel like others to be perfect. im currently helping her out with her first job (she works with me) and her school work. to make sure she can also live the life that i want and deserve. she has no goals for herself and i think thats fine but she looks at social media too much, she thinks if she does nothing life will just give her what she wants. 

my personal experiences with it as well as seeing how it can affect my friends makes me hate it even more. overall i barely talked about it but more myself ig. i just want others to see how it can affect random people like myself and my friends. next i will be posting intrusive thoughts while in a manic state thinking i was worthless while scrolling through media. i try to use the internet more for studying or research on certain things i find quite interesting.