In my monotonous world of grey,
I sat and glanced at everything around me with a prolonged emptiness....
The grey fields...the vacant sky,
Felt the dead winds and sighed a defeated breath....
Like a drought-stricken land begging for the rains,
I sat and waited for death to pity me....
As,it was my only passage to salvation;
Throughout life,I bore the insignia of an insipid existence....
Sitting in the fields,
My mind travelled to my past....
An inept upbringing....
My inflicted mother living with a father who faked a LaDolce Vita life....
Made me feel like a shattered porcelein vase....
I mislayed myself into an anti-phenom land of darkness and sniffles....
A deep resonant voice inside,
Repeats itself time and again,of 'self-mortification' as a path to 'salvation'.....
My mortal patience,which had once demanded salvation through repentence for the sins of my life-givers, burnt itself alive....
My restless soul is breaking throught the prison of my body...
I scream the pain which had disguised itself as silence....
'self-mortification' echoed in my mind...
It grew louder with every count...
My heart skipped it's beat....
I screamed,shouted,shut my ears...
But nothing seemed to reduce the pain...
I got up and ran,till the land gave up and disclosed my path to salvation...
A gigantic cascade of grey water ,which fell into the river of silence,
Called me with love...
An emotion which I yearned to possess...
The once dead air,
Now blew like wild horses set free...
The once vacant sky...
Had now filled itself with clouds of satisfaction and showered it's tears of mirth....
The angel of mercy has finally smiled upon me...
I joined in the celebration of my only mates and let myself let go the land...
But the moment my feet last the touch of the ground,
The adrenaline of excitement and joy got converted into fear...
My once lost sanity had again taken a strong toll on me...
Well,in practicality,
I was an escapist...a coward escapist...
On an uncertain journey to nowhere....
-Shinjini Majumder
