don't be a stranger

exhaustive

I can't seem to shake that me vs. the world feeling. It always awakens when the customers and the people I know and the people online look through me like a gate. I am here to be passed through.
It is no one's fault but mine. I have no idea how to exist in a dimensional form. I am so flat and so silenced and so scared to say a few mundane words everyone has already heard before. I've read poetry and music and books, and I can never quite say what I mean in the way those people do.
I am battered to my core and I just want to talk, but everything I say feels like hollow words thrown at people I love aggressively and carelessly. I cannot frame myself in love and say what I mean. I cannot say things right or truthfully or artistically.
I just don't have that in me.
I am such an exhaustive person, and I am always trying to pull away from myself.