You Had Me At -- ON HOLD --

Chapter 3

Luc mingled with professional athletes. His game of choice was hockey. He'd attend all the games he could while in Ottawa and although his heart belonged to the Canadiens, his adopted Ottawa Senators would do. He hobnobbed with all the players in an attempt to recapture his playing youth. He'd always wanted to play professional hockey, but he was too small for the game, and worse, he lacked all talent. He lived vicariously through the players he met and when I had the honor of meeting this overgrown boys club, my reaction had always been the same. They were all mostly uneducated, misguided young men driven by the money and women. They were self-professed demigods surrounded by willing women and envious men.

So suddenly Quinn's behavior made sense. I should have forgotten all about him, but I couldn't seem to rid him from my mind. As much as I loathed seeing him, I wanted to see him. I wanted him to like me. I couldn't stand that he didn't like me. I had done nothing to him but for some reason, I was a source of agitation for him. One evening as we passed each other in the hall, I opened my mouth to say hello, but he didn't even give me the faintest hope of returning the gesture, so I closed my mouth in defeat.

Three months after Emily's death I published my first and only novel under a pen name. A.K. Dorian had written the novel Into the Fire. First it became a national best-seller and within six months was an international best-seller. I hadn't seen it coming and still, when it did happen, I wasn't in any frame of mind to seek any publicity from it. My daughter had died, my marriage was falling apart, and the last thing I wanted was for people to know about it. And so A.K. Dorian remained a mystery to many. Little was known about the author. She was a woman, she was Canadian, and she wanted anonymity. There were few people who knew that A.K. Dorian and Claire Irvine were one in the same. My parents, my sister, Luc, my agent, and the people at the university. I told Sherry one afternoon when we were sharing details about our lives. Her face had lit up and she insisted I speak at her friend's bookstore. I was vehemently opposed, but she begged me. Her friend had loved my book and Sherry knew that she would be honored to meet me. To speak at her store would have been a dream come true.

Reluctantly, I agreed but there were conditions. I didn't want it to be a big deal. I wanted it to be a small and intimate affair. She promised that only the most serious fans would be there and that it would not be widely broadcast. I had never admitted to being A.K. Dorian and I was afraid it was the wrong way to reveal the secret. As much as I loved my book, its success had represented a painful time in my life. I had hoped many times that A.K. Dorian would go away and so would the book, but it meant far too much to me, and to be able to interact with people who loved the book just as much as I did appealed to me.

The bookstore was small and quaint. There were about fifty chairs set up and a small podium for me. I watched as people filed in slowly, copies of my book in hand. I suddenly felt proud to be the author and I was honored that people wanted to see and meet me. I took a deep breath and looked over the passages I had selected to read. I hadn't decided which one would be appropriate. I closed the book and wondered if my fans would be surprised to see a plump, twenty-seven-year-old standing before them. They had probably envisioned someone older, thinner, and prettier.

I surely did not resemble my heroine Grace in any way. She was a brave and courageous woman that ran away from nothing. She and I were so very different, but she had come from deep within me. She was a woman I had always wanted to be. And then there was Craig, my male main character. In many ways he was the man I had longed for Luc to be. Sadly neither of us had lived up to my ideals and expectations.

I scanned the faces in the crowd. It was an even mix of men and women. I had expected more women than men, but I was pleasantly surprised. A.K. Dorian was about to reveal herself to them and I hoped I would not disappoint them.