Breaking Seasons

*11*

CW- this chapter contains slight mention of childhood trauma.
Guns and blood.

The vacuum clener runs and music blasts as you clean you apartment sucking up dust and cat hair and yet still finding time for dancing.

You dance around the living room kitchen bathroom upstairs and bedroom but stop and take your earbud out when you see Spencer's sweater laying on the side chair. You sigh and leave it be while you clean.

Your phone dings with more texts from your ex and you as usual continue to ignore them. One from Spencer make you want to look at your phone but you shove it back into your back pocket and continue.

———-

Spencer sits in the conference room of the police station starring at his phone the multiple text to you and still no answer.

"Reid?" Morgan asks he looks up being snapped out of his phone.

"You alright?" Derek asks.

Spencer nods doing his awkward puffy smile.
"Why don't you go to her huh? We're fine here. It's been 2 weeks dude." He says

"I don't think..."

"Spencer. You like her?" He asks he nods slowly.

"Go." Hotch peeks in. Spencer sighs and nods getting up grabbing his bag and walking out Morgan patting his back as he leaves.

You sit on the couch you cat sleeping next to you hamlet in your hand as you read it invested in the tragedy. A knock on your door interiors the paragraph. You mark the page and set the book down getting up and going over looking through the peep hole seeing Spencer.

You look away putting your forehead to the door sighing. And you put you hand on the doorknob.

"Y/n...?" he says you stop

"I want to know you're okay. I know that the police and stuff bother you but I don't know why. I'm sorry if I offended you in anyway or hurt you I-please I just want to see you." He says

You close your eyes listening to him talk but memories of everything flash into your mind.

"I need to know your okay...." He says tears begin to run down your cheeks as you turn from the door sliding down the door to the floor hugging your knees.

"I want to be there for you, and I want you to be safe please. Y/n I'm in love with you and I don't know if you feel the same-"

'I do Spencer I really do' your mind screams at you to open the door. Just put your hand on the silver knob turn it and pull him into a hug explaining why you shut him out.

But you can't.

"Please call me or text me let me know that you're okay." He says you cover your sobs in your knees as his steps retreat. You hate yourself you pull away you're hurting him and for what because you're scared of committing.

The pain of loosing someone else strikes you causing more reason to keep him away from you.

You stay on the floor curled up for hours including missing class letting the hours pass by as if they are nothing. It feeling like you've just broke up with him but really you were never fully together. What you wanted to be a life time of nights turned into a one night stand. And he's going right back to quantico as soon as this shit at school is over.

You'll probably never see him again unless you drive 2 plus hours everyday. And you would for Spencer reid, you would.

You put your phone down and get up, you grab you keys jacket and put on your boots walking out of your home.

You mission was to finally tell Spencer everything about your family what happend why you ghosted him, why you're uncomfortable around police and people making sure you're okay. You are going to tell Spencer about your trauma.

Walking down the stairs of your complex to the court yard to the barrage where your car is you stop seeing Spencer sitting on the swing set of the mini park you've got in your complex.

You turn taking a break and walk over to him.

"Spence...? What are you doing out here?" You asks

He looks up seeing you his eyes filled with sadness and relief.

"I-I went to you door but you weren't home so I was waiting for you." He says

"How long?" You ask not quite knowing that questions yourself as you sit on the one next to him.

"4 hours and 26 minutes." He replies

"Spencer is Freezing out here!" You exclaim worried about him.

"I was worried about you..." he says you let out a sigh looking up for the first time in a while the sky is clear.

"I'm sorry Spencer....I'm sorry for ignoring you."

"Why did you?" He asks trying not to let his voice break. It's quiet for a bit as you take another breath.

"I told you my sister died.." you say he nods

"When I was 12 my sister was 14. I grew up in a not so nice house my dad was always gone at work and my mom stayed home drinking inviting men over when my dad was gone. One day she was introduced to drugs and snapped...badly. My uncle was a cop and he'd left his gun when visiting my dad. I remember waking up to screaming and gunshots. When I ran down stairs there was blood covering the walls and in the next room my mom standing over my sisters body. She looked me right in my eyes forcing me not to look away and then she shot herself." You say looking down wiping your cheek.

Spencer takes you hand in his giving it a light squeeze.

"I went to the police and they hardly did anything I went to live with my dad. After that it was constantly people shoving themself into my life asking if I was okay or leaving food." You reply

"That's why you didn't talk to me?" He asks

"Spencer I'm so sorry. After Maeve and Abby I got scared...I've lost my family and I can't loose too. In some way I feel like the killer is getting back at me."
You say.

"You know that not it." He says getting up moving in front of you kneeling down. Taking your hands.

"It's okay to be scared, it's okay to feel fear!"

"No it's not- I....I really like you! like a bit too much..." you say he chuckles placing a hand on your cheek.

"Y/n, I love you...I-I love you I'm in love with you." He says

"D-don't say that please don't say that..." you retort getting up.

"but it's true...I do from the moment I saw you in the classroom I thought you were gorgeous.-"

"Spencer"

"The way you talk and listen, your smile, your invested in what you do and I'm in love with the way you dress, and express yourself. I'm in love with the way you smile and laugh. I'm in love with you-" You turn around and pull him into you kissing him he kisses you back deeply as if you were going off to war.

"I love you too.." you reply after pulling away.

"It's okay to be scared...but don't push me away I need to be there for you.." he says pulling you closer to him you nod.

"I Promise." You say he nods and you share a kiss again.