Don't be scared.

20

                                      Hope

It's been three days since Josie told me about her father and we haven't talked much about it. Lizzie and her have been crashing at my place for the last days since they both don't want to talk to their mother, but in 2 weeks Josie and her will graduate school so want it or not, their mother will be there.

Josie has been sleeping in my room while Lizzie in MG's. Obviously MG has been sleeping on the couch because he doesn't want to make Lizzie uncomfortable. It's 5p.m, Saturday evening and Josie is sl sleeping.  We kind of took a nap. She looks too calm and I don't want to wake her up. I am awake since 4 A.M I couldn't get much of a sleep last night. I was thinking when can we go to Mystic Falls with Josie. I'm mostly nervous to be honest. I haven't been there for five years and I'm probably not ready but I'm too damn in love with her not do it.

My mom has always talking about to have at least one epic love and to let myself to feel the love and have the experience at least, I guess. I really wanna know if my mom is proud of me. I want to know this so damn fucking much that if I have kids in the future I'd be sure to tell them that I love them and proud of them every fucking day. Every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child.

Sometimes I think if I'd be a good parent enough in the future, would I let my kids down like my dad did to me or would I be alive enough for them, a question for millions. Damn I think everyday if I'm good enough for Jo or if we will make it. Sometimes I'm too scared to even think about it but sometimes I don't even think. She makes me that way. Not dumb not to think of course but when I'm with her I forget my fears, bad thoughts and insecurities. Maybe that's why I want to be so much around her. I'm selfish and I can't change the fact.

I have done everything I could possibly do when I'm awoke in my room, so I just stare at Josie now and her beaty. We aren't naked, hah something unexpected, I know. We have-well at least...I have shorts and a tank top on and Josie...well she isn't exactly naked but she is not much dressed, though.

She has her bra on and some really short shorts. I don't dare to touch her because I'm afraid that my touch would wake her up. Sadly but not so much she stirs and opens her eyes. We were in a spooning position so she turns around and looks at me.

,,Morning'' I laugh and kiss her nose then lips, cheeks and forehead, she is too adorable not to do it ,,It's around 9:20 p.m'' I play with her hair with the one hand of mine and with the other one I hold her face. She hums and looks around ,,Do you have plans for tonight'' She asks me and I shake my head. She grabs her phone and turns it on and I perfectly can see that she has a message notification from Raf but I couldn't see what was exactly but I probably shouldn't ask her.

Just then our door opens and Lizzie enters the room ,,Hi, lovebirds. Wanna go clubbing'' I turn to look at Josie only to see that she was already looking at me. It's not like I don't like clubbing because for the last 5 years that's were my money were spent on. I mean I like it but that was when I was drinking.

Heavily.

I still do drink but like a beer or two in a day and not everyday to be honest. I don't want to get drunk. If I want Josie to stay with me I have to stop getting drunk.

,,Stop acting like a married couple and get dressed.'' She says as she closes the door behind her, Josie pushes the blanket off of us and sits. ,,Do you really want to go on a party'' I ask her and put my hand on her thigh. ,,Mhm'' And she nods. She stands up and walks to the door, she opens it and only shows her head trough the door.

,,Lizzie, do we have enough time to take quick shower'' She yells and Lizzie response in return with a very loud ,,Yes'' Josie closes the door and turns around to look at me with her  smirk ,,We need to take shower, come on'' She grabs my hands forcing me to get up and so I did.

She's leading me to the shower cabin and pulls my shorts down and while she does that I take of my tank top. I do the same for her bra and the very short shorts. I push her against the wall and turn on the shower.

She squirms a little and she felt the water,, I grab her hands and press myself against her as she gasps. ,,Are we gonna have sex'' I ask since the mood is a little... well you, know.

,,Hmm, that depends if you can be fast'' She wraps her arms around my neck and one of her legs around my waist so she pushes me against her even more ,, Watch the new Speedy Gonzales in front of you.'' She laughs out loud and kisses my cheek ,,You are too adorable''  My hands travel lower on her body to her ass and squeeze it as she gasps. ,,Too adorable for sex'' I ask and she smiles at me.

,,You are such a horndog'' She says as she leans and captures my lips with hers. One of my hands travel from her ass to her waist and squeeze it slightly. ,,That's not true'' I defend myself as I bite her lower lip ,,Oh, is that so, well then lets not have sex then'' I look at her and then I lower my head to look between us. I could that I'm rock hard right now and there is no way in hell I'm going out with a boner.

I push my member against her clit making her gasp ,,So... you don't want to have sex with me'' I ask and kiss her wet neck. She giggles and that means she doesn't get me serious so I start to grind on her clit slightly and successful she makes quit whimpers but they are loud enough for me to hear since my ear is close to her mouth while I continue kissing her neck.

,,Answer me'' I put more pressure on my grinding and she grabs my shoulders as her leg squeezes my waist even more.

,,What was the question again'' She throws her head back against the wall and slightly opens her mouth ,,Do you'' I kiss her neck. ,,want'' I kiss her collarbone. ,,to have'' I kiss her cheek ,,sex'' I kiss her other cheek. ,,with me'' I kiss her lips and she kisses me back. She wraps her other leg around my waist too and my hands travel under her thighs.

,,Yes'' She sighs against my lips and with one hand I grab my member and lower it toward her entrance. I push slowly inside her and she gasps as her nails dig into my shoulders. I push all the way in and once I'm fully inside I wait for her to tell me if she's ready.

I try to look into her eyes but they are pretty much closed ,, Tell me when I can move'' It's not like I hurt her but she says that she's new in the whole ,,sex world thing'' and she just needs time to adjust my size or me to be honest.

,,You can move now'' She opens her eyes but not fully, they are slightly parted but enough for me to see her chocolate-brown eyes. I pull but not my whole length out, the tip stays in her and push in her again. She moans and her nails dig even more into my shoulders.

,,How do you feel'' I ask as my mouth is close to her but still don't kiss her ,,Full'' She says, her leges are squeezing me even more so I try to go as deep as I could. She's ready to close her eyes again but I snap my hips a little harder. It came of no where for her ,, Look at me, darling'' I say and she kisses my lips passionately. I think she kissed only because she knew that she can close her eyes so I pull away and with one grab her cheek.

,,Is it too intense for you'' I ask and she shakes her head ,,It's nothing I can't take'' She moans and I snap my hips faster and harder because as she said, we need to be fast. She closes her eyes but I let her this time because there is no time. Her lip quivers and her eyes are squeezed so I let my hand to go back under her thigh and thrust faster.

After three more thrusts I could feel her walls squeezed around me ,,Are you close'' She nods fast, I knew that she was close but still wanted to make sure. ,,Are you'' She asks me and I smile at her and nod, she returns my smile and I kiss her lips ,, Hmmm, baby I think I-I'' She was cut off of her moan. Her walls feel even more thigh around me and with three more thrusts I was a goner.

Her legs are still wrapped around my waist but my legs feel to limb I don't want to fell on the floor with Josie so I just sat on the floor, with her on my lap.

,,This one was intense''  She says, I nod my head. ,,It was, but we still need to take a shower''

Y'all won't be ready when I drop the title of the book.

Anyway. I'm not good with writing smut, You could see that so don't judge me.