Weakling

Stomach aching
Cheeks burning
Hands shaking
Voice yearning
Our first time calling each other
I shall never forget,
When she was my inspiration...
A weakling like me calling her,
Yet she never judged me...

The next time we called,
My body wasn't so nervous.
I actually felt excited...
She was my favorite person
Before anyone else.

That day when we confessed online,
I knew it had to be true,
For she was my inspiration
And she loved me, too...
But day after day,
Her hopes turn to doubts.
My hopes staying positive
For I will see her very soon...

But it never happened...
It will...
But not yet...

Knowing that she had a life to live in Europe,
And so did I in America,
I realized that we had to focus on what was around us...
Yet it was hard...
She was on my mind,
She was all I talked about,
She was my eyes,
My legs,
My arms,
My lips,
My everything.
My reason to keep going.
It's crazy to think about for
A weakling like me could talk this way...

I swore to her
That no matter what
I would always choose her,
For she has changed me.
She helped me stand up for myself,
She helped me speak up.
I don't know how,
But it was all thanks to her.

Stomach aching
Cheeks burning
Hands shaking
Voice churning
My first time ever
To have a broken heart.
She found someone new.
I am left alone.
Surrounded by people
I didn't find that were for me...
She was for me...
It's crazy to say,
But it was I who promised...

I never stopped loving her.
I never quit.
I never.
Never.
I can't say she gave up on me,
Because I know it's hard to love someone from a long distance...
It wasn't her fault.
It was mine.
I caused us to feel bad.
Most of all,
I caused myself to fall apart...

This is how much I actually needed her.
Hell, I was almost there...
Just a few more years...
And I would finally see her...
Today I still think about her.
Her beautiful hair,
Her beautiful eyes,
Her beautiful laughter filled with cries.
Her beautiful smile
With her beautiful gap
Her beautiful everything...

It's insane.
I'm insane.

I won't forget the good times we had:
The Skype calls we do
The gameplays we record
Everything.

I'm thankful for her and all the things she made me feel, because
A weakling like me learned to come out of my shell.