Boundless Love

Chapter One - Maybe

Maybe today won't be so bad? And if it is terrible today, perhaps it will get better tomorrow? Wishful thinking. "One more day" until it's good though, right? Because maybe, when I walk through the door nothing will be as it was this morning, but it will have changed for the better. Maybe she'll have already made supper. Maybe she won't be drunk. Maybe the house will be clean. Maybe she won't punish me. Maybe she'll ask me about my day. Maybe. All these maybes. Maybe, one day there won't be any more maybes. 

I turn onto my street and automatically slow my face. Just because I have hope doesn't mean I'm not still worried. I reached my house faster than I wanted to. I slow my walk more, taking in my yard. The tiger lilies that are starting to bloom are surrounded by a few growing weeds, the lawn should be mowed soon, and the path up the drive needs to be edged. Things some of the neighborhood kids will do for easy money. I finally get to the door and open it, walking inside and shutting it behind me. 

"Lizaveta!" my mother screams at me from the living room, and I quickly shrug off my backpack at the bottom of the stairs near the door and hurry to my mother, not wanting to make her angrier than she already sounds. 

She stomps toward me as soon as I come into her view, roughly grabbing me by my hair. What did I do wrong this time? She pulls me by my hair into the open kitchen. 

"What the hell is this?!" she raises her voice and I can smell alcohol on her breath as she points at a glass I must have forgotten to wash last night when I did the dishes.

"I'm sorry," she yanks my hair, "I'm so sorry, I'll wash it right now. I promise." 

"You better, because if this ever happens again I'll get my belt, understand?" she pulls me down a few inches to her height. I nod and she smacks me across the face before letting go of my hair and walking away. 

I quickly wash the cup and put it into the dishwasher before taking my backpack quietly up the stairs with me into my room. Maybe tomorrow. 

******

Clean. Clean. Clean. Clean. Clean. Clean. Clean! Rubbing down the counters and tables with a wet rag as I pick up empty and half-full bottles of alcohol, I repeat the same words in my head again and again. Clean. Don't stop. Clean. Get it done. Clean. Hurry. Clean. 

My mom had come into my room shortly after I had started my homework and "told" me to clean the house before she gets back. "Told" is putting it nicely. She had dragged me from my chair by my hair, then shoved me out of my bedroom and down the stairs. Luckily, I slid down on my bottom this time, so it's sore and I have a scraped back, but that's all. 

Though she isn't supposed to drive when drunk, I'd bet money that she went to a bar, meaning she at least won't be home until late. Better safe than sorry though. I'll never understand why she'd ever want to go out, putting her and others in danger, just to drink and hook up with men who probably have sexually transmitted diseases. 

I finish with the downstairs and head up the upstairs. I peek into Trevil's room, both happy he's never home to deal with our mother and salty that he leaves me alone with her. Trevil is always doing his own thing, at some sports event, or a friend's house. 

He's younger than me, at fifteen, but he's taller and more robust, so some of my friends would say that as the man of the house he should stand up for me. I'm the oldest though, I'm his protector. He's safer away from all this, that's what matters. I send a quick prayer to The Man Up Above before moving on to my mom's room. 

The smell of alcohol is most potent in her room, as she constantly falls asleep with bottles of beer and spills them on her bed. I strip off her bedding and switch it for some clean sheets from the linen closet in the hall. I open her window before gathering her laundry to start a load. I pause halfway to the stairs upon hearing the front door open and slam closed though. 

"My room's just upstairs," I hear my mom slur in a giggle. 

"Say less babe, let's go," a man says, following her up the stairs. 

Familiar panic flows through me and I slip into my room before they can see me. I'm quiet as I listen to them stumble past my room and into my mom's. I breathe a sigh of both relief and despair as I toss my mother's clothes into my basket. I'll start the laundry in the morning. 

I know the routine. It's the same every day. Leave for school before my mom's up, work, come home, do as she asks, take my punishments, and clean when she leaves. I hide in my room until the morning after she and whoever she's brought along arrive home. This is my time. This is when I eat the sandwich I premade for dinner this morning before school. This is when I finish any homework I couldn't finish in StudyHall. This is when I can read and blast my music in my headphones to drown out unwanted sounds-- my time. 

******

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep! Beep! Beep! I turn off my alarm and sit up in bed. Quiet. I throw my covers off and get ready for school, conscious of every noise I make. Tiptoe. When I get into the kitchen I grab a quick breakfast and make a sandwich for later before leaving. Bye, Mom.  

It's a pretty short walk from my house to school, so I get there quickly, and as soon as I walk through the doors I feel a sense of relief. Nothing here is ever as bad as home. Homework? Easy. Classes? Bearable. Student? Most keep their distance. 

"Lizzy!" my friend, Ilaria, engulfs me in a hug from the side. 

"Jeeze," she releases me with a big smile, and I chuckle, "knock me over why don't you?"

"She tried," Azaiah chirped in from behind me as we started to walk down the hall. 

"Az, Ria, you've got to give me some warning next time," I smile at them. 

"No fair!" Ria protests. 

"Yeah! You don't give us any warning when you walk up behind us. Why should we?" Az argues. 

"Yes, because you guys crashing into me is the exact same as when I walk up behind y'all normally and you get startled, due to your lack of observation of the things around you," I reply sarcastically. 

"Of course!" Ria jokes. 

"So you get it then" Az continues. 

We continue the aimless conversation as we walk down the wall. We walked around until there were five minutes till class started then split for our first periods to start our day.