"Haven hurry up! The session starts in 10 minutes, we're gonna be late!" Amilia yelled at me rolling her eyes, when I ignored her and turned back to a laughing Kaleb and made a face, "My god how can you stand her?" He chuckled again and shrugged, his hand rested on the steering wheel. "It's a gift I guess." Smiling back at him, I wondered how my life had went from being a never ending hell, to this.
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I was sinking. Drowning. Invisible.
I needed someone to see that, and I guess.. she did.
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It began in May, or at least reached it's climax then. School was almost over and summer was right around the corner. I was in the group basement when a flyer was shoved in my face, “Dude, I’m trying to watch the show if you hadn’t noticed.”
I glared and waved the paper away, preferring to keep my eyes trained at the television screen, the way I always did when Gossip Girl was on.
I heard Arya laugh and looked away long enough to see Drayke glowering down at me, I smirked to myself.
“Would you just pause the effing show and look at the paper!?” He barked out.
I rolled my eyes and did so, taking the paper away from him to inspect it. The lower my eyes read, the higher my eyes brows went up. “Poetry reading? At the Steam Room? No thank you.” I snorted and set the paper down.
Drayke moved in front of me pleading with his eyes, “Please. Please..” He dragged the word out and took my hand in his. “Please come, Haven.. for me?”
I could only hold up for so long. What can I say? I cracked.
“You owe me.”
He fist pumped the air and jumped up, “You officially rock!” I shook my head and smiled despite myself, “I hate you.”
”You love me.” Instead of dignifying it with an answer I rolled up the paper and chucked it at his head.
Idiot.
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The following week Drayke, Arya, a couple others and I met up outside The Steam Room, a quirky bookstore hidden in the corner of 6th Av. The Steam Room often held open mike nights and poetry readings, making it quite popular with our crowd. Before I’d have loved coming here, but now I almost dreaded it. But I’m sure that’ll come up later.
Walking in the scent of coconut hit you straight away, the bookstore was known for it’s cocoa-nut coffee. It sounds grosser than it actually is. Trust me on this. We sat as a group nearby the stage area and it was as I was listening with half an ear to a story Larry was telling when I saw Kaleb. I made a choking noise in the back of my throat and grabbed the menu Arya was eyeing out of her hands and hid behind it.
She swept it out of my grip and gave me an exasperated look, “What in God’s name are you doing?”
I blushed and pulled my hair out of it’s bun, letting it cascade down and cover my face like a thin curtain, I rambled, “Kaleb’s here. Of course he’s here, he’salways here.” I groaned and set my forehead onto the table edge. “Please don’t see me.. oh God, don’t see me,” I murmured to myself.
“Haven!” My heart leapt into my throat like every time I heard his voice and I looked up to see Kaleb’s smiling face. Looking at him I felt a pang deep inside, something like longing. I brushed it away. I didn’t deserve him. I didn’t deserve.. anyone.
I put on a smile and stood up to hug him. “Kale! Long time no see, what’s it been? Like 2 weeks?” I laughed, ‘You look great.”
‘More than great actually,” I thought, ‘You look happy.’
He smiled warmly, “You too. Hey actually I wanted to talk to you about something, mind if I borrow her for a second?” He asked, looking towards Arya who smirked and answered back, “Nah, you can keep her.”
He grinned and took my arm leading me over to the bar, where the scent of Coconuts was even stronger.
I looked over my shoulder to stick my tongue out at Arya, smirking slightly when she stuck her tongue out back at me. When I turned back to face Kaleb I was surprised to see him watching me intently, “So uh.. what did you wanna talk about?”
He ordered two mugs of hot chocolate and leant against the bar. “My cousin just moved here and she’s going to be living next to you.”
I nodded, showing I understood. Mom had seen the moving vans and had told me and Dad about it over breakfast this morning. It made sense that Kaleb’s cousin would live near me; Kaleb did as well. "Anyway,’ he continued, ‘I was wondering if you would help her out if you see her?”
As if he even needed to ask. “Course I will Kale, no worries.”
He touched his fingers to the crook of my arm and I tried my hardest not to shiver. I missed him.. I missed him so much it literally ached inside me. Instead of showing my pain, I nodded again at him. I wouldn’t show him how I truly felt though, he thought I was over him, he thought I never cared for him the way I actually did. I had to keep it that way. I don’t deserve him. I won’t let him see my pain. Without realizing I tugged the ends of my sweater further down my arms.
“Thank you Haven.” He dropped his hand to pick up the mugs, handed me mine and turned away to go join his friends in the corner.
I sighed quietly watching the coconut swirl around in the mug.
“You’re welcome.”
No one heard.
