Heavy is the Head that Wears the Solemn Crown

Sixteen - Emotional Distress

Tommy

Tommy fell onto one of the cots the minute the Pogtopia guards deposited him and his sister to a tent. The day had taken its toll on him, and he could feel exhaustion clinging to his body. It wasn't the physical exhaustion that got him because he didn't do anything particularly straining. He, along with his travel companions, had walked the final stretch towards Pogtopia's base of command. It wasn't that long of a walk, so Tommy's feet ached but he wasn't tired from that.

His fatigue sprouted from his emotions. His emotional state was a chain that pulled him towards the ground, making him want to crumple in on himself in defeat. He wanted to throw in the towel, and he almost wished he could feel nothing. His childhood friends were still dead, and he could see their bodies hitting the ground every time he closed his eyes. Tommy's cheek continued to burn from where Wisp had touched him seconds before his death. He remembered Kristin's tired arms enveloping him in bitter heat as they both broke down. Those were frightening memories that Tommy couldn't get rid of. They permeated in his mind. They snuck up on him, filling him to the brim with grief and regret. He sometimes felt like he couldn't breathe with how much he wanted to scream at the sky to return his friends back to him.

Worse still, Tommy had two adverse reactions earlier that day. Tommy knew who the Blade was abstractly. He was a warrior from the North. He was likened to a force of nature instead of a mortal being. Tommy had admired the Blade in his youth, so he expected that seeing his hero would stir emotions inside him. Tommy wasn't able to protect the sheer, crushing amount of emotions that made him physically sick and desperate for affection and approval from this man Tommy only knew from rumors. The Blade- Techno, wasn't it?- was a man that Tommy wanted to impress, but he also hated this man more than anything in the world because Tommy would have done anything for him. Techno was the embodiment of all of Tommy's regrets, but he was also a bonfire in a blizzard for Tommy. He was a beacon of safety and light when the world was dangerous and dark. Tommy couldn't understand the contradictions, so he pretended like he didn't feel any of it when he noticed a mysterious ginger hanging around Techno's shoulders.

Later that day, Tommy came face to face with the king that was going to help him avenge his people. Tommy was faced with memories tinged with vague emotions, similar and yet different from what he experienced with Techno. This king- Wilbur- played music with a guitar, singing towards the heavens as he walked along a dusty path. Wilbur held Tommy so close that their foreheads were pressed together. Wilbur made silly faces and spoke with a funny accent that made Tommy giggle. Wilbur held Tommy close as arrows fell to the ground, whispering that they would be okay even when Tommy could feel warm blood coating his hands and he knew that they would not be. A thousand seconds that belonged to someone else were forced into Tommy's mind, and he reconciled with the fact that perhaps someone else's life was becoming intertwined with his life. Tommy didn't understand it, and this made him more upset than the horrible and sweet memories that warmed his heart.

"Are you okay?" A voice from the present moment called out. Tommy opened his eyes, realizing that tears were starting to form as he processed his grief and confusion a little at a time. Kristin cautiously sat down on Tommy's cot, her hands coming up to smooth out his blonde curls. She looked down at him with a soft smile, and Tommy knew that he would begin sobbing if this kept up.

"I'm a Big Man. Of fucking course, I'm okay. I'm better than fucking okay. I'm super," Tommy shook his head, sitting up. Kristin shifted slightly so they could both sit on the cot. Kristin's legs were hanging off the cot, and Tommy pulled his thighs up to lean his chin against his knees. He tilted his head slightly as he looked at Kristin. She looked thin from hunger and gaunt from burnout. She seemed a little more relaxed now that they were in Pogtopia, but her muscles were still tense as she tried to figure out what to do with her hands. Tommy knew the answer before he asked, but he couldn't stop the words from coming. "Are you okay?"