her warmth || kanamafu

(=ﾟДﾟ=)

×-×-×-×

"Why do you like holding my hand so much?"

"I don't know. But for some inexplicable reason, it makes my heart race."

×-×-×-×

Cold.

Everything felt cold in Mafuyu's life. From the kind smile her mother gives her, to their lonely home, and endless amounts of praises her schoolmates throws her way.

All Mafuyu felt was the bottomless pit of darkness whenever she faked a smile and laugh.

This was no longer new to her though, she already forgot the last time she felt any emotion other than empty numbness.

After all, Mafuyu's entire life was just a hollow husk her mother carved to achieve the perfect little girl. Her mother held the strings and Mafuyu was her marionette.

Hence, she grew accustomed to the coldness she felt that would always creep through her skin whenever she heard her mother's saccharine voice and her classmate's constant admiration.

They only 'loved' the perfect version of Mafuyu– the obedient daughter, the perfect A student, the responsible senpai. It felt incredibly sickening to see how much these people can't see through her perfectly crafted fake smiles.

They don't know about the 'broken' Mafuyu– the empty one, the apathetic and emotionally stunted girl. This version of Mafuyu, she knew they would resent– especially the person she calls her mother.

So she continues to pretend... and lie.

The coldness was something Mafuyu grew to tolerate as she grew up. Even her skin was cold as ice, she wouldn't have known if one of her juniors whom she guided hadn't pointed it out during archery practice.

Maybe this was why Mafuyu had an intent fascination with empty aquariums filled with seaweeds. It was void of any life, with only the bubbles from the filter and swaying parasitic weeds giving it enough liveliness.

It was mesmerizing to watch on days she felt like the four corners of the room was ready to press her thin– it perfectly reflected her heart. 

So, it was always cold for Mafuyu.

Then she met three girls, and one of them gave her so much warmth that it slowly overtook her once monotoned life.

×-×-×-×

Mafuyu had enough self-awareness to know that she wasn't the type of person to just fall in love.

Other than the fact that she was emotionally unavailable– the only idea of love she knew off are those depicted in fiction and her mother's poisonous affection. All of which are nothing but sweet deception.

Mafuyu does not fall in love– she shouldn't. It would only serve as a distraction for her perfectly crafted life to become the successful doctor her mother wants her to be. But then 25:00 at Nightcord happened, it became one of the few things Mafuyu started to want in her life. So Mafuyu started to become rebellious in her own subtle way, she started to lie to her mother of her nightly activities even though she always lied– but this time, she lies not for the sake of others, but for herself.