What do you know ? It is that time of night again. The time when the thoughts of you sink in, when my head starts swirling with "what if ?"'s.
You ruined me. Out of all the people you could have hurt,
you had to hurt the one who cared the most.
When I got that fatal text, I felt the same as when you asked me out.
My heart pounded, my head felt hot, I couldn't function for a moment. When I finally came back, it hit me like a truck.
Should I ignore it ? Wait till morning ? Haha, funny joke babe, I love you have a great day !
But, no. I answered it. I allowed you to leave.
That night, I cried for five hours in my bedroom as my best friend slept soundly.
I am bordering five days without you. For the past five days, I have been crying off and on. My heart feels heavy, I can't do much.
I am too afraid of deleting your messages. All of the "you're perfect"'s and all of the "are you okay?"'s and confident flirty conversations we have ever had. I am afraid to delete the photos I have of you. The videos. Screenshots. I can't even unfollow you on Instagram. I still get notifications for when you post !
And without even a blink, you unfollowed me. You left me.
Tien insists that I need to delete everything. He doesn't want me getting hurt again.
Oppa doesn't understand that I just can't. I can't leave the first person I ever loved truly.
I feel as though I am drowning. In self pity, in sorrow. Depression hits me whenever I think of you.
I can't stand it.
I don't want to be without you.
The Distance was too much for you ? How about the dull ache I feel twenty four seven knowing that it was that easy for someone who said he loved me to leave.
I can't breathe.
I am drowning, as I said. To be honest, the only person who would be able to get me out is you. Out of the swirling ocean of doubts and sadness.
But you will pass by, watching soundlessly as I slip under the waves of depression over and over again.
I wouldn't want someone as perfect as you to get your hand wet, of course.
Because you still are perfect to me.
From your dark hair to your big puppy eyes. Your dorky smile and silly, shy laughs.
I want to be with you, but that clearly isn't going to happen.
