What The...?

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  Laughter and music filled the air; people danced in swirls around me as lights pulsated to the beat. The club was slammin' and the drinks didn't stop, but I didn't want to be there. My friends' (what were their names again?) voices slurred as I seemed to float through the crowd, looking for... something. The crowd of faces slowly blurred like smudged pictures. And the lights were converging and blinding me more and more as the music played on an endless loop. I turned around this way, then that; where was ...the exit I think? People around me laughed, ...but the sound was strange, wobbled, and their words no longer made sense. The colorful lights greyed, then darkened. The sounds became distant, and the silence deafening.

  After what felt like an eternity of floating in a pitch black room, new sounds began to creep. Birds outside, the A/C softly humming, and a good morning fart. I fought my heavy eyelids to see the real world beyond.  It was no easy task, but at least I didn't feel hungover. And, I could see the real world awaited.  So, I did what I do best in those situations.  I relaxed and took a nap.

  Eventually, the dream world released it's grip and I groaned my disdain for reality and lay there refusing to wake up and face it. But it was no use, eventually you have to open your eyes. So, I did.

  Huh? I thought quizzically and rolled my eyes around their sockets, scanning the room. Where am I? Whose house am I in? Oh, crap I just woke up in some chicks bed at her house! But, why does this place seem so oddly familiar?

  I hesitantly looked around going through all the possiblities in my head. It couldn't have been Kerri's house 'cause she'd never let me inside, much less in her bed. And it wasn't Kim's bedroom either, unless she redecorated. A lot. There were clowns on the walls and a few stuffed ones too. Then I realized there were bars surrounding the bed.

  Oh crap, I thought, my heart frozen. Fifty Shades of Misery! Please God don't let there be some psycho that wants to break my legs, or spank me in leather, or force me to put lotion on the skin!!

  As soon as I saw that one side of the bed had no rails, I rolled off to the floor in my best covert operative style. Unfortunatly, the floor was a lot further down than I expected, and I landed flat on my belly.

  And face. That was smarts.

  At least there was carpet and not hardwood flooring. I pushed myself up and looked over at the bed, it apparently did have bars on all fours sides, someone just let one side down. And the bed was really tall! I looked around and tried to stand up slowly, but my body was wobbly and weak.

  Crap, the psycho drugged me too!

  The best I could hope for at the moment was crawling. So, I settled for that, at least I didn't have a hang over, or nauseated. My butt and crotch was uncomfortably wet though. I really didn't want to stop to think about that at the moment, I was pretty sure I didn't want to know anyway. The door was open a couple inches, and I noticed there was a mirror set against the wall behind it. I figured if all I could do was crawl, then so be it. I just needed to check myself out real quick. I was feeling funky, all this was just plain damn weird.

  What happened last night? I thought, with my face to the floor trying to will away the headache and grogginess. How much did I drink? Wait, WHAT did I drink? Screw it, I gotta get going and get outta here!

  I pushed myself up and lazily crawled to the mirror without even trying to pick my head up. My hands looked really funny, I thought and tried to focus my eyes.

  Why do they look so small?

  When I got to the mirror, I pushed the door closed gently and sat up with my other hand on my head. I was so exhausted already.  ...At least until I looked in the mirror. There was a baby sitting where I should have been! I froze for a moment, then waved my hand nonchalantly. I was stunned to see the baby image do the same.

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