Finding Rayna

Chapter 5

Rayna's POV

Once I leave Conner at school, I head to my car, jump in it, and go home. I walk into the kitchen and notice that Sarah and Will aren't there, so I call for Sarah, "Momma, where are you?" I listen carefully but hear nothing, so I head upstairs to see if they are there.

I check William's bedroom, my room, and Sarah's office. They weren't in any of those rooms. I finally find them in Sarah's bedroom, sleeping on the bed. "Momma, I'm home. How was Willy for you this morning? How long has he been asleep?" I inquire.

"Will and I played, and I bathed him. Then he was getting cranky, so we laid down about an hour ago. After that, we checked in a few house guests. How was your morning?"

"This morning Allison, a girl in my class, pushed me into the lockers and called me a slut. So I went off on her. I swear she is dealing with something, but I can't figure out what it is. Anyway, the same guy who showed me where the gymnasium was on my first day started running his mouth. He told me I should expect people to call me those names since I am so young with a child. So I went off on him too. I mean, having a kid doesn't make me a slut. It's not like I slept around or wanted to have sex.

"Then, after class, he stops me and tells me he is ashamed of the way he came across. He asked me on a date. I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship or even wanting to date. He then asked if we could be friends. I said, sure. Then set up some rules. I told him that if we were to be friends, we had to hang out in groups, never alone, and he was never to follow me to my bedroom. I also told him there are times I need to go upstairs to feed William because he is breastfed. He agreed to the terms and will be over at the end of the school day."

"I am proud of you for sticking up for yourself. But, unfortunately, people don't know what you have been through, so they will talk about any girl being a teen mom. You will need to control your anger better." She declared.

"I'll try, but I am sick of people hurting me. I wish people weren't so fast about jumping to conclusions. Anyway, I was thinking about forming a group for people that lived through a sexual assault. I wonder if Emma would do this with me. And if I do this, I should probably tell Conner about my past. What do you think, Momma?"

"It's a promising idea, honey. Just make sure you are ready for that. There may be a backlash, or people will try to turn the tables and say stuff they think,"

"I know. I would like to see if Emma will do it with me. Her being a mom who survived sexual assault, became pregnant, and kept her child or even go through with the pregnancy may encourage more teens to come forward and share their stories."

Will cried, so I picked him up. "I will go feed him, then go to the kitchen to find something to eat before they get here," I say as I walk to the door. Once I fed William, I went down to the kitchen and placed Will in his bouncy seat. Next, I went to the refrigerator, got the ingredients out to make myself a turkey sandwich, and made it. I put up everything, then sat at the table and ate it while I talked to William about my day and the visitors we would have as the day went on.

Ryan came in, "Hey Ray, how are you? I got you into a class that will teach you self-defense and teaches you boxing. It will start on Monday at one o'clock. After your physical education class, you can come home and spend time with William, feed him, and eat lunch."

"Great, dad, I can't wait. This girl at school keeps bullying me. I told her off today after she pushed me into the lockers. It is getting more violent. She keeps calling me names, pushing and shoving me. Today I pushed her back. I hope she leaves me alone soon, I don't want to get hurt." I confide in him.

"It is a good thing we have started you in these classes. What is the girl's problem with you?"

"Who knows? I think she is going through something. Just can't figure out what. At times she seems so broken. On the first day of school, the coach asked me to introduce myself to the class. I told them my name and told them I have a one-month-old son. I don't think that I should be ashamed of him. Anyway, Allison said, 'so you are the new school slut,' I don't understand why people assume you sleep around or are a slut if you have a child. I should not have to tell them how I came to have a child. They don't need to know that a guy raped me. I was telling Momma that I wanted to start a group for victims of sexual assault at school. Not everyone who has dealt with sexual abuse will want help, but I am sure girls have been sexually assaulted and don't even realize they were. I thought about doing an assembly at school where I tell them my story. Do you think it would be a smart move?"

"Rayna, sweetheart, that is something you will have to decide on your own. But, you know that mom and I are here to help you and support you. Do you think Emma will help you with this?"

"I sure hope so. Emma is coming over in a few. I will ask her then. Also, a guy from school will come over. He wanted me to go on a date with him, but I told him I wasn't ready for that. So, we are going to be friends. I set rules for him to follow, with the major one being that we are not alone in the same room together. I told him I breastfed William and would need to leave now and then to feed him.

"Let's get back on track; if I do this group thing, I will need to tell Conner about my past. How do I start that conversation with him? How do I tell him this? We are trying to build a friendship, so I don't want to scare him away, and I don't want him to judge me because of what happened to me. Man, don't I have many choices to make here soon? I just hope I make the right ones,"

"Tell the boy your story, and if he thinks differently of you because of it, he wasn't worth your time and energy. You're courageous enough to not need anyone to validate who and what you are. You're an exceptional mom and daughter. I am sure you will be a splendid wife to a great husband one day. I am glad you are in my life, sweetheart. Just be yourself and tell him when you are ready," Dad declares as he heads back to his office.

"But, dad, how will I know when I am ready?" I asked.

"You just will, princess,"

Emma knocks on the door a few minutes later. Letting herself and Jay in. "Hello, Emma and Jayden. How are you two today?"

"We are great, although Jay's a little sleepy. How about you?"

"I am doing okay, but I have a few things I need to discuss with you, Emma. So, come on in, and we will get a movie going for Jayden, and we can talk,"

Once I get the movie going, I tell Emma that Conner will hang out with us after school. That he said, he wants to get to know me better and become friends. I told Emma that I had explained to him that if he wanted to hang out with me; I didn't want to be alone in the same room with him. Also told Emma about my plan to start this sexual assault group. She agreed that the school needs something like this to shed some light on rape and would be happy to help me. I then tell her I want to tell Conner about what happened to me. Along with the reason I am here and not with my "real" family but fear his reaction.

She looks at me, "Rayna, you are the only one that can decide if you are ready to tell Conner about your life before you came here. If he judges you, then he isn't worth your time. The only thing different about you and me is that I have had time to process what happened to me. I also had the support of my family; you have not. The kids at school judged me until I freaked out one day in my eighth month of pregnancy and told them what happened to me. To this day, I still have people who call me names behind my back, but it doesn't bother me anymore. The only thing I am at school for is getting an education for a better life for Jayden and me. If people don't like it, they can kiss my butt. The only thing you need to worry about is building a better life for William and yourself. That includes making yourself happy. Now, when are we going to tell Conner your story? Do we do it today? Wait, I know; see how it goes today and tell him tomorrow or whenever you feel ready. Finding the right time to tell him."

"I think we will hang out today and maybe see what happens. How well do you know him?"

"Not well; he has shown no interest in talking to me until today. He had come up to me and wanted to know what your story was. Said he wanted to get to know you as a person, not just as a mom. He seems cool. I know he was partying a lot over the summer, but most seniors did. He was in a relationship for four years before this summer. I heard he slept with a few girls after the breakup. So maybe he just cut loose a little." Emma says.

"Yeah, maybe or was a player, which caused her to break up with him," I replied.

"To be honest, Rayna, the girl, moved away right after the school year. I heard that was the reason they split up."

I nod my head, just as someone knocked on the door.

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**Cara Rose Skye**