"What are you thinking? No one likes you! Him? He doesn't like you. Those are just your mere imaginations.
That shirt? It doesn't suit you. You look fat! You are fat! Oh my gosh. The color of your skin is too dark.
What's that? You want to buy that soap? It's not effective. How about that lotion? Just a waste of money! Stop that!
Ugh, you're indeed pathetic. You want to change yourself so someone will like you? Do you think someone will actually like you? Stop dreaming. You're on the real world. You are top ugly to exist yet you're here?
Do you think you can b better than anyone?
You're a lesser creature! You're ugly. Maybe that's the reason why you're single ever since. Because you're pathetic! You are insecure. You need to understand that you're just a trash. You can't do anything about that. You are born as a piece of shit.
Everyone is just pretending to like you. They pity your existence. Your friends? They are not real. They want your company because they think you're funny. But the truth is, you're trying too hard to be liked.
Your smile? That doesn't mean your strong. You are weak! You're afraid to be alone. You pretend like you're brave but you are not. You are a coward little baby! But what can you do? You can't even cry to ease your pain. No one comforts you either.
You're always there whenever someone needs you. But always left alone when you are at your weakest days. You screamed for help but none of them listened to you.
I did. I listened to all your dramas and problems. I was the one who comforts you when all of them turned there back at you! I gave answers for your questions. Thank me because I am always here for you."
This is my story and my inner conscious voice. I don't know when or how did it happened but I can hear another voice in my head.
I was bullied when I was young. And my escape was talking to myself in my head. This is where it all started. When I always hear another voice who thinks he is always right. Who thinks all of my decisions in life are wrong.
"Do this! Do that! Don't you dare think about that!"
He shouts at me like he is real! Like he is just beside me, trying to tell me what should I do.
I know he is not real, but dude! How can you explain this feeling? I can actually talk to him. In my head. He hasn't shown any image of himself, yet I know he is really on my head. And as I'm writing this, he adds words and change some of my ideas.
Sometimes, if I'm alone, he whispers and makes me think about life.
"What will you do tomorrow? You want to lose weight right? Oh, don't even bother. You're too lazy to do anything and too wrong to do right!"
And whener I'm in the mood, I want to listen to some pop song. Then he will do something in my head that makes me remember every lonely and sad moments in my life. And before I know it, I'm already searching for Lana del Rey or Sia. Song plays and I even more upset.
I constantly feel sorry about my life and want to end everything.
So here he goes again. Comforts and say something uplifting and I feel less suicidal.
After all those negative thought and now postive vibe? He's ironic and also helpful.
All of these are my experiences with my inner voice. We usually have conversation and whenever I tell people about this, they think I'm crazy and he will start scolding me.
"Why don't you ever listen to me? I told you, no one could ever understand you. I will.
You told your friends about me? Look what happened. They judged you. They think you're insane. Can you trust them? No! Trust no one! Don't make friends. Don't talk to anyone."
Those are the words that makes me feel inferior. I always think people are talking about me. Judging me. Criticize me!
I always feel awkward on public because he make me think everyone is looking at me! They all think I'm ugly. I don't belong here. I don't deserve any attention. I am just me, nothing special and I am a trash.
All of these are negative negative. All of these will may everyone think that this is not healthy. I can also admit that I am psychologically ill. Everyone may tell me I'm going crazy and I can't complain. Because everything is real. Everything that is written here are my own experiences.
I Googled about this disorder and experts adiviced everyone who are experiencing this to consult a psychologist and take a therapy.
And yes, you're right. I didn't take any of the said suggestion. You're right again, becausr he told me so.
"Nothing is wrong with you. In fact I am helping. I am your adviser. You don't need any of those."
I think having an inner conscious voice is okay.
Like, he always whisper negative thoughts to destroy my imaginations. In that case, I can leave the nonexisting dreams and live in real world.
Envy me because I have inner voice who corrects my mistakes and make me believe love doesn't exist and every little thing is a lie.
I don't trust anyone. Maybe because the only one I trust is my inner voice. He is always correct. All I need is him
But everything is bad. As what his constant reminder to me.
Everthing is all about him.
I feel like he is taking over me. He wants to control me. He wants my life. He wants his own life.
But what can I do? I am always wrong. I was never right. He can correct my mistakes. He can be me.
