The Journal Of Lunatic

Where it all began

It was beautiful and a sad day at same time. Many are celebrating their  love and some are just going to drink tonight. Valentine's isn't for everyone I guess.
This is my journal and it's a first day I am writing. I found the idea to make a journal from a legend I heard in Germany, there used to be a man who wrote about what happened in his time and later the world knew about what happened at that time through his journal. It looks like I am trying to copy his legend but I am sure one day someone will read my journal and will know about what happened to me. I am Ted Daniel, people call me daniel most of the time though. I don't have any family as i grew up in an orphanage. I spent my childhood there and now I am working part time and studying for my future.
I think it's enough information about me for now. Actually from several days, I feel delusional and sleepy more often. It's still cold in Germany so I guess I'll be having diseases more often. I don't have many friends as people call me lunatic whenever I try to talk about something. It's weird to read a journal of someone who is lunatic isn't it? Well if you'll call me a normal person then I guess people will call you lunatic as well. The pain of the people who always gets distanced is different. I try to initiate a conversation with them and they'll throw horrible insults to me because I am lunatic. What's so wrong in being lunatic? I am normal as well. It's just that there are some thoughts that aren't similar between us. I sometimes accept being lunatic or mentally ill but sometimes I feel like I am righteous. Nothing matters sometimes and sometimes everything seems to matter. I guess I have twin personality, I'll always argue between what is right and wrong but personally I can't decide anything. I mean what is right actually? We just call things right if the majority says so. At the end of the day all you are left is with individuality. You have to consider that you are alone after all, people try to make it feel like you are not alone but, you need to break the barrier and  let yourself know that no one other than you is going to be there for you always. Some say go find a partner, meet with new people, go on parties and many other stuff but what is it all for? Am i just going to engage with new people just to set the loneliness slide? No! There's no loneliness. We just pretend to understand this and that the world around us has offered. Freedom? No! There won't be freedom without individuality, everyone will always be a slave to something. I  don't consider myself a superior being to others who doesn't think outside of margin but I think it's for the best. To have such mentality isn't easy! The time I wake up to the time I am back on bed is a hard reality I always lift in my head. I don't really have any kind of good philosophy to express but I don't think I am wrong as well. People don't like listening to what I have to say, they just don't want to accept the truth maybe. Or maybe I am really a lunatic with this unlimited of shits I call truth.
Sometimes I wonder, what will happen to me if I go unconscious? Will the consciousness I have disappear? Or will I be reborn to an another conscious in same body?