Just me🙂

A blank page

okay tell me what is between hurting less & being just the same way sad whole time! i dnt think there is any difference between these two... i have changed a lot.. how much? i cant even measure now! its so different... before i will always do the thing that can make me happy for a while.. even tho i knew that i will get hurt more! bt now i dnt do that.. if chance of me being happy & sad are just 50-50 thn i will choose to not do that... bcz i prefer to be at least the way i m now than being more for achieveing just a moment of happiness... Bt after so long i end up doing the same.. & now um feeling so much pain.. its intensity is so deep that i feel my heart is being riped of.. i wanna cry a lot... bt i cant.. bcz i dnt like wet eyes. my heart feels like there r some pieces of broken glasses in their & they r pinching through it & make my heart bleeding... why um so sad? why did i choose it? i knew i would be like that thn why did i done this? why why why?
i dont even know what i m expecting from my life when i know i wont get anything & will end up being dissapointed! why am i like this? can anyone tell me what should i do?😭😭😭😭
How can one person possibly be happy with this much void in there heart? When the heart is in pain how long can you pretend to smile just bcz u dont want others to see that? Why i have become like that?
I choose to be silent not bcz i have nothing to say bt bcz i dnt wanna say anything... Its hurts more when we speak about it