E.T. The Extra Terrestrial.EXE

The Superde Duper True Story

So I really like old artifacts. You can say I am a connoisseur of antiques. I frequently peruse garage sales, pawn shops in the ghetto, and graves for good finds.

Today, I heard a new pawn shop called Phil's Creepypasta Video Game Shop opened. It was in the newspaper with the ad: "Come here if you some White Motherfucker in a Horror Movie!" I thought it seemed ominous, but I ignored it and went anyways.

I went in and was greeted with a man who looks like the guy who sells heroin behind the Library. He asked, "what do you wish for, child?" I said, "a video game". So he went into the back room and came out with an atari card that read: "E.T. FROM HELL.EXE". Sure was weird, but I ignored it and bought the game anyways.

So after that and a bite to eat at Noodles & Company™, I went home to put the game in my Atari 666 which I stole from a homeless man dressed in black robes with a hood pulled over his face. When I booted up the console, The title was written in red, it was so red it looked like... hyper realistic blood. Even worse, all the characters were dead in a huge pile. And the title didn't read E.T. The Extra Terrestrial, It read, "you are going to die". The message scared me, and despite my best efforts to notice it, I completely ignored it and started playing.

When I started, The Lavender Town theme started playing in G major, slowed down, high pitched, and in reverse. The sky was dark and all the water was red, like... hyper realistic blood. Despite the fact that the console is entirely 8 bit, the blood was... hyper realistic. And worst of all. E.T. was all gray with blood coming out of his eyes. He traveled around the screen, but I wasn't touching the controller. He was trying to leave, but he was stuck, as if he was running from something, or someone... I knew this wasn't game, it was a video. I wasn't even playing a game, but I ignored it and kept playing.

E.T. Traveled around around the screen very fast. All the backgrounds were images like a blood, a hell, a smile dog, a Jeff the Killer, a sonic.exe, and a slenderman. All while that god damn G major, slowed down, high pitched, and in reverse Lavender Town theme played in the background. All this happened whilst I paid no attention to it.

After 5 straight hours of staring at the tv whilst E.T. wandered aimlessly around, he found an exit. But, just before he could escape, a very long, thick, green object came out of the door, and pierced E.T. through the heart. And out came... hyper realistic blood Then it retracted, and a large, green creature emerged from the door, it was Shrek.

He came out of the screen and whispered, you're coming to my swamp. I was so happy. I was scared before, but the Ogrelord had saved me from that hell of a game. We arrived at his swamp lair and he laid me on his bed. I was ready.

He brought me some Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup and a plate of onions, and let me eat them in bed. My god this guy is a good host.

Oh, and he rammed his 3 ft long eshreket cock into my ass, but I ignored it and just ate the chicken noodle soup.

Let's just say most of what happened sucked, and I'm glad that it won't happen again until I buy my next haunted video game.

But, through this ordeal, I learned a very valuable lesson...

SHREK IS LOVE.
SHREK IS LIFE.