Life as a Failure

Burning Jealousy

"Sometimes your light shines so bright, that it blinds people from seeing who you really are."

Trying to forget the terrifying events from yesterday, I rose myself from the hard bed, trying to block out the images of Chris, whose snores pierced my ears. I dressed quickly, no time for a shower. I stumbled into our daughters room. " Naomi," I whispered. "Time to wake up. Mommy's gotta go to work." She groaned and rolled over, facing me. " Noooo," she said in a small dragged voice. "Yes, come on get dressed." I said helping her up. She dressed in her Dora the Explorer t-shirt, and worn blue jeans. The only pair she had. She packed a few toys to play with at daycare. "Mommy, when you leave work can we go to the park?" She asked. "We'll see," I said in hurried voice. I picked up Naomi, and hurried her to the car, and strapped her into her car seat.
"Mommy, why are you in such a hurry?"
"Well, I don't want to be late for work sweetheart."
With that, Naomi was quiet through the rest of the car ride to the daycare.
*****short time lapse****
I walked through the doors of the high school with my head down. A habit I have yet to break. I worked as an assistant special education teacher in the high school. It certainly wasn't my dream job, extremely far from it, but it was the easiest. We had our own little section in the corner of the school. The other kids in the High School used to make fun of the special needs kids before it became segregated. Like I said, kids are cruel.
"Hey gurrll," Angelica my Latina co-worker said, as I walked in the doors of the section.
"Hey," I said quietly.
"What's wrong chica?" She asked, accent thick.
"Well I had a few problems with Chris last night, nothing too serious." I lied.
"Oh baby, I told you, to leave Chris a long time ago, he ain't good for you. I know this really cute guy that would really be into you."I
In my mind I was laughing, what guy on this whole fuckin' planet, that's actually decent looking, would be interested in me?
"Okay, thanks Ange," I said trying to change the subject. "Is Peggy in today" I asked. Peggy was the special Ed teacher, we worked under. She always seemed to have a nasty attitude. 42 years old and unmarried, was easy to understand in her case. She someone you can truly say was ugly on the inside a out. Her body was abnormally shaped, like a narrow upside down triangle. She had rolls upon rolls, however she was smaller than me, about say 250 or so. She had small eyes and pale skin. Sandy blonde hair with raggedy edges you tcascaded down her back. Bright pink erect pimples coated her forehead.
"Yea, the but umma worn you, she's in one of her moods." Angelica said warningly.
"Ugh, what else is new."
As soon as I said that, Peggy walked in and glared at us. Immediately after she opened her mouth she started barking orders.
"Anika!! What happened to the worksheets I asked you to print?!" She yelled.
"Sorry, I'll go out to print them now. I forgot." I mumbled with my head down.
I always dreamed of being the boss, having my head up high, but here I am, working under someone else.
I walked out, headed towards the teachers lounge to print the copies. When I walked in, there was a group of beautiful blonde teachers in the back corner, on there phones giggling, and smiling widely. One of the blonde teachers in the back corner stood up and burst out excitedly." I can't believe she's coming to our school!" Curiosity got the best of me. "Who?" I asked joining there conversation. All four blonde heads looked up at me. One chuckled. " Brooklyn Martinez, didn't you hear? The news is all around the school."
Brooklyn and I used to go to school together. High school. She was real popular. She had long wavy dark black hair that stopped mid-back. She had a flawless olive complexion. She had high cheek bones. When she smiled her porcelain white teeth enhanced her face. All the boys jaws would drop over her. She had big green eyes, with a hint of Violet around the pupils. Her eye lashes were so thick and long they seemed to be too perfect to be real, yet they did not appear to be fake.
All through the school years I've spent with Brooklyn she was real bitchy. Especially to me. When I walked down the hallways of the school, she would call me names like "fat bitch," or "cow." She had enviably talents. Her ability to act would make you want to fall out of your seat. One time a talent agent came to our school. He was shooting a music video for Beyonce, and needed a young teen girl for the shoot. When he came, all teachers and students directed him to Brooklyn. She was that good. It made me jealous at times. That was my dream. Her list of awards were endless. From Tonys to Oscars.
"Really?" I exclaimed masking my emotions with fake shock. I was not happy about Brooklyn coming to the school. She would see me. What I have become. A failure.