CARTER

XXXIX

CARTER

I was drowned in whiskey today. I was too drunk.

I reach home and I could smell the whiskey on my breath. I take the jacket off and I look up. It takes my eyes time to adjust to her tiny frame sitting on the stairs. She looked at me as if she was waiting for me. I smile.

She was waiting for me.

She asks, "Are you drunk?" I nod, "I had a shitty day today." Then I ask, "Did you eat?" She shakes her head. I narrow my eyes at her, "Why?" Angry for some invalid reason. She shrugs, "I've been eating with you for the past two weeks. Didn't feel like eating without you."

I look up at the ceiling and I huff. Angry again.

I say, slurring most of my words, "Don't do that to me. Don't—" it felt like she couldn't hear me the way her brows were raised. I walk to her and I kneel on the lower stairs. We were leveled. Eye to eye. I grab her beautiful face and start complaining, "Don't do this to me. Lilly this is so wrong in so many damn ways." I lower my head as I say it all, "Don't make me dependent on you. Don't make me helpless to the point my heart only finds happiness when you're near me. Stop this. I can't— I can't survive this. Stop making me happy with this beautiful face of yours. Stop making me find peace when I'm with you." I swallow as I look up at her again. Her blue eyes were wide but it was like I don't have control over my tongue anymore, "I hate thinking about you when I'm away. I hate thinking about you when I'm with you. I just hate it. You need to stop being so damn adorable. You need to stop being so damn beautiful. And you need to stop being so goddamn sexy."

I press my forehead to her chest and breath in her scent, "God— you're so fucking sexy, Lilly." I groan when my pants go tight again. My balls are swelling every hour because of her. I feel her hand on my cheek and turn my head to kiss her palm. She makes me look up at her and her eyes are sympathetic and gorgeous. She says with her voice low and sexy, "You're drunk." I take her wrist and kiss each tip of her finger as I say, "I'm a drunk man, Lilly. Drunk men are always honest. They can't control their tongue or actions." I watch her throat swallow and groan again when my cock hurts. She asks, "How honest can you be?" My breath starts to get thick because of her.

I press my forehead to hers and take a second to calm my fucking heart, "How honest can I be?" She just hums. I say, "You wanna know? I'll be honest with you, Lilly." The tips of our nose touch and I feel her breath on my lips when I say, "I wanna fuck you, Lilly. I wanna pick you up, take you on my bed and fuck you to the point we're both sweaty and sticky. I wanna fuck you to the point your body is exhausted. I wanna bite your hips and I want your breasts in my mouth." I don't miss her nipples peaking under my grey shirt. Thank god I wear plain shirts. I fucking enjoy the shape of her nipples under the soft fabric that I can't help but trace my finger on it. She chokes a cry and exhales harshly. I smile at her reaction.

I pinch her nipple on the fabric gently and I don't miss the quiet whimper at all. I lean forward and trace my tongue around it. I could imagine the velvet texture of her in my mouth but fuck, I wanna tease her all night. Her hands are bunched into tiny fists. She tries hard not to hold me and she tries hard not to touch herself in places she needs me the most. I whisper, "So damn reactive," and smile at her as I graze my teeth around it. Then I kiss it and gently bite it.