Too Much Attention (Naruto x KHR)

CH1 Mindscape and Memories (6)

Every negative adjective 'papa' used on Tsuna made a crack in his heart. He could feel tears forming in his eyes.

Is that what everyone thinks of him? A failure? A loser? Even his own father? (Tsuna gasped at the thought. He actually thought of 'papa' as his father! He thought he would never do that since he wouldn't approve 'papa' to be his father since he was never there when Tsuna needed him.

A father should be the one who tuck him in for bed, who wiped his tears away, who taught him how to throw and catch a ball, who taught him how to protect himself from bullied, who helped them on homework, who played with him, and most importantly, who was always there for him when he needed him.

But 'papa' never did any of those, so 'papa' isn't his father. Tsuna would never approve of it!)

"Therefore, I think Na-chan should be the one," that snapped Tsuna out of his thoughts as 'papa' continued. "You have seen Na-chan's skills in basketball! He has strength, more confidence, awesome reflex, stamina, and knew the importance of teamwork. He is the better candidate for the 'Sky' for he knew how families should work together to become more powerful. He also knew the duties of a big brother-to protect Tsu-chan."

Tsuna wanted to snort, but kept silence since he doesn't want them to know his presence.

Seriously? Duties of a big brother? He's joking! If only he knew how Natsu treated Tsuna...

"He knew how to protect someone, and a 'Sky' needed to be protective. All in all, Na-chan has everything a 'Sky' needed. He is the better candidate. I'm sure of that!" 'Papa' finished with a determined look. Timoteo the Boss sighed.

"Well, if you're so sure, then I'll make him begin his training when he's older." Timoteo said before 'papa' could cheer. "Natsu-kun is too young. He's not ready to be the 'Sky' yet. I want him to have a happy childhood and enjoy what being a normal kid is like, before introducing him into the dark world." '

Dark world'? Are they talking about a movie? Tsuna thought.

"Besides, if he left with us, then the Sawada household will only consist of two people. Don't you think it's too lonely for them? Although Nana-san is oblivious to everything, she would still be sad if not only her husband left her, but also her dear son.

"Also, Natsu-kun can practice his protective skills by being with Tsuna-kun. I'm sure Tsuna-kun will be bullied someday, and if that day comes, Natsu-kun will have to stand up for his brother. That way, he will learn how to protect someone and how to fight through experience. The more experience he had with protecting and fighting, the more ready he will be when he knows the truth."

Tsuna left after hearing that. He doesn't want to hear it anymore.

Why does everyone thinks Natsu is the better son? Why does everyone thinks Natsu will protect Tsuna if he's bullied? Why does everyone only see the 'good' side of Natsu and not the 'jealous and attention seeking' side? Why does everyone only sees the defects of Tsuna?

He admits, comparing to his brother, he's horrible. But, Tsuna still has something he's good at! He's hardworking and honest. He would help anyone who needed help. He would NEVER trip someone on purpose, unlike Natsu. He is fair and treats everyone fairly, unlike Natsu, who does everything for his own benefits, and if someone has something he wanted, he would do anything, ANYTHING, to get it.

Why can't anyone see Natsu's defect? Are they all blind? First is mama, switching her attention to Natsu because he's better. Now 'papa' and Timoteo the Boss think Natsu is the better 'Sky', whatever that is, just because he's an ace student and is good at basketball. Tsuna hated it!

Tears finally streamed down his face. Tsuna had had enough. There's nothing he could do. He tried, he tried so hard to gain people's attention! All he wanted is a little attention and understanding from someone, and a smile from mama. A genuine smile that's for him only. Every time mama looked at him, she was always frowning. She never looked happy.

Of course.

A small voice said in Tsuna's head.

Why would she be happy to have a disgraced son who failed at everything and brings shame to the family?

Why would Natsu be happy to have an idiotic brother that made him, the big brother, a laughing stock?

Why would 'papa' and Timoteo the Boss choose you to be the 'Sky' when you were crying and chased by a Chihuahua in front of them while Natsu showed off how awesome his basketball skills were?

It's not their fault for not giving you the attention you wanted. It's all your own fault for being weak.

You're a disgrace.

You would only bring shame and disappointment to your family.

You are a failure.

You can't do anything right.

No one likes you, because you are 'dame-Tsuna'.

Yeah you're right. Tsuna replied mentally, to whom he doesn't know.

I'm a failure. There's no way I can be better than Natsu. So I guess I should just continue be dame-Tsuna. Do what I'm best at (tripping and failing). I'll give Natsu the attention he wanted. That way, everyone can be happy.

That night, with that thought lingering in his head, Tsuna went to sleep, determined to make everyone happy. If he can't do anything right, then he at least want everyone to be happy. To at least be able to do something.

But...

...why does his heart hurt so much?