boyz. | john phillips & john baker jr.

twenty

     i was blending some eyeshadow when the person who knocked entered my room. i wiped the leftover makeup on my pants and looked to my side, meeting baker's gaze. he was doing that thing he does when he's nervous, rubbing his legs. i furrowed my brows at him and crossed my arms like an angry mother just caught her son coming back late at night.

     "i know, i know. i should have said something before i left again. i'm sorry." he said in defense. i shook my head at him and pursed my lips.

     "one day, sorry isn't gonna cut it, baker. we get it, you're in love or whatever, but we're still friends. you seem to forget that a lot," i sighed and turned back to my mirror, straightening out my legs, "anyway, i have somewhere to be."

     "wait, i have something to tell you. it's really important," he told me, sitting down on the bed, "i ran into van schneider and he... told me everything. it seems like i'm not the only one keeping secrets."

    "excuse me? i never have time to tell you shit, baker! you're always gone. that's on you." i spat, irritated with his remark. he bit the inside of his cheek and scoffed. silence filled the room and i couldn't stand the tension, so i broke it.

    "what's so important that you have to tell me so you can leave?" i grumbled, not looking at him. i rested my hands on either side of my desk and waited for him to tell me whatever it was.

    "i know about the picture and your dad. i just wanted to tell you about bud valentine," he started explaining, "i was gone today because patty had me come with her to the lake. she told me that she was with bud when he crashed into it. the news was there interviewing her when they pulled him up."

     "what does a dead baseball player have to do with a drug dealer?" i asked, needing more than he was telling me.

     "well, van schneider told me bud was the one behind it all, including todd's network... because it wasn't todd's. he was working for bud valentine, but now that bud is dead, todd took over. apparently, he's fucked everything up and people are after him and anyone that works for him," he came up to me and i looked to him, worry in his face, "you're in danger, carli."

      "and here i was, putting on my best confidence just to end up in more shit. what about my dad? you mentioned him." i asked.

     "your dad was supposed to take over. that's part of the reason people are so mad. i'm not sure what went down to make todd wanna piss so many people off. patty doesn't want anything to do with any of this, but..." he pulled something out of his pocket and uncurled his hand, revealing a key, "she knows that i care about you. i want you to be safe."

     "what does this open?" i took it and examined it. it looked like a house key.

     "it's the key to patty's house. we're, um..." he paused a moment, scratching the back of his neck, "we're skipping town. i don't think we're coming back."

     i lost it. he comes to my room and makes comments about me keeping secrets when all he ever does is leave? he's never around and now that i'm going to need him most, he's running away with a woman he met three days ago? i snatched the key and threw it on my desk. he was taken aback by my sudden movements, and i felt angry tears start to fall. he tried to approach me but i pushed him.

      "get the fuck out, john baker. i never wanna see you again." i growled. i was fed up with him being so inconsiderate to me and phillips because he was with a grown woman. that didn't make him a man, that made him an asshole. he had no right to say that he cared when he didn't act like it. he knew what kind of shit i was in, and he was still leaving. i needed him to be there for me.

     "wait, i-"

     "i don't give a fuck! get out!" i yelled at him, my finger pointed to the door. i was huffing and holding back tears. i was letting everything that was happening topple on top of me three hours before i had to face todd. baker had an odd demeanor as he decided whether or not he should leave. to me, he had already made that decision. he threw his hands up and walked out without looking me in the eyes. the doorknob clicked as he closed the door behind him and i let it all out.

      i slid down the drawers of my desk and placed my head in my hands. drugs, police, a dead baseball player, secrets; it became overwhelming again. i thought it would be better to let it out now rather than later. i envisioned todd laughing at me as i crumbled under his control. i bet he had something to do with my mother's disappearance. i needed to call her.

    as if right on time, phillips came in and saw me struggling to get up off of the floor. he grabbed my arm and pulled me into an embrace. his fingers were cold against my neck and it helped me stop crying. he held my face and made me look at him, concerned.

    "hey, what's wrong?" he asked softly. he wiped a tear away with his thumb and i sniffed.

    "everything, and i can't even talk to ma about it-"

    "no! i came to get you because she's here. she wants to talk to you." he interrupted politely. he looked over his shoulder and moved so i could see the doorway. ma was standing there, dressed like she did. she was already looking at me and i ran to her. i started crying again, but these were tears of relief. one less thing i had to worry about.

     "carli, listen to me very carefully," she gently pushed me off of her and looked me in the eyes, "i have some explaining to do before you leave. i know what you've been up to."