I faintly recall the dew still in the blades of grass that soaked the tips of my towels as I ran through everyone's yards this early morning. I wasn't but 6 years old, coming from the trailer park across the road, I told my brother Branden to hurry up, rushing him to go play at the bus stop with our friends before the bus arrived.
"But I don't wanna play"
"I don't care, I do, com'on "
I yelled as I ran past him, and nudge his shoulder. He wasn't barely 5 years old and I was taking him to his first day of school. He was getting on the big kid school bus with me, like a big kid. Our mother was never really there to do these types of things with us. She had been gone a few days, and probably forgot it was even the first day of school. I had no lunch packed, no new school clothes on, my raggedy power rangers shoes were getting much too small for my little growing feet. But it never bothered me, none of it. tThe fact that we had no idea when we would see our mama next. No idea why she didn't want to see us everyday. Or where she went when she would disappear like that for days. She never seemed to bring us anything back, but she always made it seem like she didn't really want to go... or like she missed us so much and she would be so sorry she was gone like that. And she would cry and tell us over and over she loves us more than anything in this world....
I sure do wish she was there that morning...
I ran up to friends, they were playing tag. Someone tagged me and screamed, "you're it!" And ran off. I proceeded to chase him around and around and started running after the other bigger kids. The bigger kids were no joke, they liked to play rough, and I always kinda got dinged up from joining in on their fun. Even if I couldn't keep up, I'd always try.
As I was running without any care in the world, and the lightest thought process an individual could bare, I felt like I was flying...
Well I was, more like falling though, Into the ground. Then the concrete. I slide right through the grass and smacked my face on the edge of the sidewalk. All I remember was blood everywhere.
It hurt like hell too, and I wanted to be cool for the big kids so they wouldn't make fun of me but also so my little brother thought I was tough. He always looked up to me, and I couldn't let him down for doing so. I loved being his protector, I mean, it was just us. So someone had to take care of him, and I loved that role as his best friend and his mama and his big sister. He was my little bubba, my baby brother, my booger eater and littlw poopy pants. He is Brandon Don Hayden, my best friend and favorite person to walk next to on this journey.
I was so embarrassed when I realized I couldn't just walk this one off, and make it seem like it didn't hurt. Cause it did, really Fucking bad actually. My whole jaw was busted open. From my lips to underneath, bloody nasty icky ouch. I put my little brother on the bus and told the bus driver he might need help but I gotta go home. And that's all I could focus on, was getting myself cleaned up so everyone didn't think I wasn't okay. I was always okay. I am always okay. May not always be happy. But I am always okay.
Well the bus driver felt differently about that, and wouldn't let me go home. I'm not sure if he knew my mom probably wasn't there or what, but he wouldn't let me go home. I was trying so hard not to cry, and it just kept consuming my effort at max capacity. A few tears streamed down my face and I just remember that sting when the dart tear hit my open wound. I was so fuckin mad, I started crying some more. My baby brother told me, "it's hayly, they'll fix you up at school" always so happy and optimistic. He has always been the happy one, and always made people laugh and smile and just feel good about themselves. I've never met anyone like him, and he gives me credit a lot but he deserves it all. He's a stand up guy now, struggling still, but all around he's a good human. I wish he was better to himself, but that's for another chapter.
The bus ride to school was excruciating. It wouldn't stop bleeding and it just flat out hurt. The bus driver kept checking on me but I just shaking my head up and down, saying I was fine. I wasn't fine, not only was I scared I was gonna get in trouble cause my mom wasn't there and they were gonna need someone to call, but now I'm looking like a baby for crying about a boo-boo. And my mom was probably gonna get a call and they were going to know she wasn't around.
