Dance Over Me

The Great Pretender

Flashback the First Day of Mission..

“Fuck, Hia.. did you know I accepted a weird and high risk mission just because the target name was similar with you.. His eyes pretty similar with you Hia” Tul sat on his bed talking to a framed photograph..

“ I miss you Hia, how are you? Where are you?.. you must be grown into a handsome man right?” Tul smiled looking at a photo of 2 boys who holding each other hands and ate ice cream in the park..

“ 20 years ago, at this day.. 21st February.. at your very special day, I left you without goodbye and I always felt sorry till now Hia..
I were so afraid you would hate me the rest of your life”.. Tul speak unstopable while his tears started to streaming down..

“ Hia I always keep it down in my chest, but today let me got out all of this agony from my heart, okay.." Tul voice paused...

“Since I didn’t know I would survive this mission or not, and I didn’t know if I would have a chance to looking for you again like what I always did since I came back to bangkok” his voice stammering between the endless flow of tears..

“ Hia, that day I already bought a cupcake for you, I really wanna bought a big cake, but you knew how broke am I right, I were saved all of money to bought you a cupcake and a gift” Tul smiled to himself..

“That day I’ve been waiting for you to cameback home.. but Then my uncle came and took me right away..
He was so cruel Hia, he didn’t even let me to stay longer to said good bye to you”

“he..he even throwed the cupcake I bought when I begged to waited for you came back home, he was so cruel right” Tul wiped his tears while his other hand gripping hard the frame..

“ Hia, if my mission failed and I would die today.. I wish someday you will knew that I never forgot you these past years”

“ I wish someday you will knew how grateful I am, to have you who always protect me from my abussive father, to have you who always hold my hand, to have you who always bought me ice cream, to have you who always hugged me in the cold winter night” Tul voice hoarse from crying and he inhale so deep to lets in the air into his lungs..

“ Hia, if I died in my mission, my last wishes was for you to know that I always love you.. I never knowing what it was until I realized that you never left out my mind Hia..”

“If I died today, I wish you knew that my heart always beating for you..” Tul smiled, he wiped his tears..

he removed the photo from the frame and put it in his wallet

If he died today, at least he brought the most precious memories he has with him.. Tul tought to himself..

# Back to Recent Day

“You did great Job Agent Tul Pakorn” His head chief congratuled him..

“ Oh, eh Thanks Chief” Tul starled from his own mind.. still frozen there, in the Mew’s safe house kitchen..

“ are you okay Tullie? You looked pale” Sakky walked closer and his stare full of concern about Tul condition..

they were a long time friend outside their job.. of course he noticed when something off

“ hmm, I am okay Phi, rest assure”.. Tul tried to showed his fake plastic smile

“ let’s head back to heartquarter first, we need to followed the first team who took Mew Suppasit” His chief announced to rest of team..

“ umm chief, can I took one day off?” It’s almost 40 days I didn’t visit my home because of my mission..

“Take your time agent Pakorn, you just did great” his chief smiled and lead the SWAT team to left the safe house..

“ did you want me to drove you home Tullie?” Sakky and Jeep asked at the same time

“No need Phi, please just drop me at the nearest station.. I need alone for a while Phi, these 40 days was too much” Tul tried to explain shortly

****

Tul had no recollection of how he got back home.. his body was moving like a robot and his mind was wandered out his body, his memory too preoccupied with his hia..

he just want to lying in his bed and pretended nothing happened, pretended these 40 days just a dream..

He made a fatal mistake for an agent.. he lets his guard down after the mission.. little did he know that several men followed him from the station..

Tul let himself crumple to the ground in front of his door, his leg gave out to holding his body up..

His chest heaved with difficulty as he shut his eyes, tears falling down the curve of his check..
in truth he wanted to melt down, break into fluid and disappear into the ground.. he wantes to be traceless, tp erase every ounce of existence in him.. to kill the guilty that swallowed him a whole..

He tried to stand up with the last strenght he had..

he tried to unlocks his door, but before he steps in, he feels a sharp sting from syringe jab in his neck.. followed by a chloroform smells from a handkerchief covered his nose and mouth..

Tul aware of what happened to him and what awating for him.. but he just so tired with everything..

he didn’t even bother put on defense action or fought the culprit..

he just want to gave up.. if it's enough for redemn his sins after what he had done to Mew, then dying wouldn’t be so bad. A small smile ghosted at his lips and Tul let himself float..

Any closer and the walls would be broken, any closer and his heart would be lost,  Mew had become his anchor, his purpose to life, the little world his struggled to wrap in his arms around since his childhood..

But today he sent the dearest person in his life to the prison, sent him to the hell..

“Maybe this is the punishment that I deserve Hia.”

The silence ringing in his ears was comforting, his mind lost in foggy flashback, replaying long forgotten belonging to himself and Mew.

How he missed the way his little  hia wrapped his arm around him. In Tul’s mind, it played out like a broken record, scenes overlapping each other, fading to gave way to the next.. merging together until they clouded over, slipping away from him together with his consciousness..

“ i am sorry Hia, I can’t keep my promise.. It’s okay to give up now right?” he smiled and let himself gave up completely to the darkness..

*****
“ Boss we got him” a voice rang from his phone

“ Take him to my place right away” Mew smiled and cut off the line

“ The game is not over yet, baby.. You’re the great player but i am a game planner” Mew spinning the knife with his fingers..
a mocking smile plastered in his lips