"narahuyo" | YJW

Nine

It wasn't with much time like how it always is that Jace finally accepted that Jungwon might actually be something— someone— she's accepted to be in her life now.

Like it was meant to be, Jungwon always appears when Jace has so much collapsing inside of her.

Standing outside the neighborhood's gate, Jace sees Jungwon first. The same way she gulps at her own heart recognizing the boy at the same time her eyes did. Does.

It wasn't always like this.

On days some people just purposefully ruin her with the lightest thing, she would simply go out. Somewhere just near, and also far from their vicinity and threat of being caught. She would sit on any available floor, from her experience, almost always the concrete floor.

It never once occurred to her she'd be sitting on the cargo bed of a pick up truck with its door down after the nearly 30 minute drive, empty plastic containers from an infamous bulaluan resting between them, at 9pm.

Snow in between winter and early spring.

The shrinking feeling because you're cold and warmth with you never really matched.

Jace compares melting and tonight with Jungwon because it's all she could think of at the moment. Because it would have no more closer adjective. Because really, it's all she could think of.

The feeling of melting with her consent.

For the past 13 minutes since they arrived on the empty seaside after Jungwon assuring her that they've reached another city, no one has been speaking. Even after Jungwon collected his gold centered cigarette box from the inside of the car, handed Jace the odd and only downturned stick in it, getting one of the commons for himself before lighting Jace's first.

There is the dying and the rebirth cycle of waves hitting the shore in the background. Thinking about wanting to hear the loud crowd opposite to her preferred weekend earlier and sulking at the thought, Jace thinks it was silly.

Bad days would only be silly if she could have this by the end of them. Always.

Jace hangs her right hand over the container and gently pats the marlboro stick on the mouth as to shake the ashes. Both their backs and heads rest on the back of the car.

"How was the game?" Jace was the one to first break the silence. But this wasn't really the first thing she intended to say.

Jace wants to apologize for not being there. But with also the thought of Jungwon never really asking her to watch, she settles with what's said.

On the other hand, Jungwon proves her wrong.

"We won." He puts his cigarette in between his lips and inhales for a while. It doesn't take long for smoke to exit from it.

"Sayang hindi ka nakapunta.."

Jungwon takes a moment to look at her not only through his peripheral. All the while he was driving, he's been preventing himself to do so. Now, that Jace is looking back, Jungwon is at ease.

Truth is, he waited. Before, during, and even after the game. Even taking a break at the school canteen in case she was somewhere but the field. He looked for her and he looked too much he might not be aware but it was aware to everyone who only looked at him the entire game.

And truth be told, he wants to ask her why she couldn't go. But here is Jace looking back and Jungwon trying to unlearn his habit of asking people of something.

When Jace climbed her seat carrying what seems to be a heavy cloud around earlier and telling him to drive far like it's all she would want at the moment, Jungwon figured he made it. He could stop for a while. He secure a spot.