Hello, carbon-based life forms. I shall just refer to you as "reader".
Now, incase you were wondering, I wrote a book. What is it about? Well, that I'm not quite sure of. Cheesily enough, you'll have to read it to find out.
CHAPTER 1.
We begin with a hill. On that hill, is a platypus. He is lost. Wow. Lame story already. Let's start over.
We begin with a slice of cheese. This slice of cheese does, in fact, have a name. He has been, oh so creatively, named "Cheddar". This piece of cheese, Cheddar, is a pet. Cheddar is the pet of a young girl called Jessie. Jessie is 24 years old, and is very attached to Cheddar. So much so that she has made clothes for him. Jeans, coats, Superhero costumes, you name it.
Now, before you think "What the hell is a 24 year old doing with a peice of cheese as pet?!?" I thought I should let you know, that Jessie is very accomplished. She owns a chain of Grocery Stores. Ever heard of Danky's? No? Well, they are there. You just have to find them. {They're invisible stores, you have to wonder around until you bump into one of their walls}. Anywho,
Back to Cheddar. He is after all, the star of the story. Jessie had come to love Cheddar, and had him since she was 6. See, she was at her favourite grocery store, and she had dropped a coin, a whole of 5 cents, and had to look underneath an aisle to pick it up. That's when she saw him. It was love at first sight for Jessie. Cheddar was calling out for help {Yes, Cheddar could talk} so she picked up the poor thing, and asked her father whether she could keep Cheddar. After lots of arguing, Jessie's father had agreed. That's how Jessie got Cheddar. That was many years ago, and that's why Cheddar now has the nickname, "Blue".
CHAPTER 2
Blue was sleeping in his little box in the fridge. Gosh he loved it there. He could have all the food he wanted and blame it on the tomatoes in the bottom draw. He was dreaming about Jessie, in a long white dress, with her sisters carrying her train down the aisle. Jessie loved that train. It was a yellow steam train. Well, the model of it anyway. Cheddar was standing at the end of the aisle in his tuxedo- he woke up. It was too much to bare. There was no way that blue could ever wear a tux. Way too classy.
As he woke with a scream, Jessie ran to the fridge door and opened it."What's wrong?"
"Oh, Just the Tux dream again"
Cheddar had never told her what had ACTUALLY happened in the dream, he had simply made it up. Here's what he told her; "Oh, my dream? Well... I was in a...Tuxedo shop. Yes! And uh... A zombie... No, zombie bread came in, and tried to put me on a sandwhich! Oh. It was very, very horrible!" said Cheddar, pulling out his crocodile tears.
Jessie hugged blue, trying not to break him... She did. There was a little split on Blue's forehead, and a shriek of pain came from Blue's mouth.
It sounded like dying cheese.
"Oh! I'm sorry, Blue!" Jessie cried, running off to get her needle and thread. She came back, snatched Blue up In her hands, and sat him on the table. "let me get you fixed up"
Jessie was very unco-ordinated, so it took her a painful amount of attempts to get it done, and caused a painful amount of pain for Cheddar.
After Jessie had finally stitched Blue-who was now sporting the amazing Harry Potter look-up, she decided that she had to make up with him further. This is where the story really begins.
CHAPTER 3
It is here that we introduce another character. This particular character absolutely loves Blue, but not the same way as Jessie. This character would love to eat Blue. This character's name is Speedmouse.
No, Speedmouse is not an elephant, Speedmouse is, in fact, a giraffe. This giraffe loves cheese, and just so happens to live next door to Jessie and Blue. So, whenever Blue went outside, he had to wear his Green Lantern costume, because Speedmouse loved Green Lantern, and was too daft to work out that it was really Blue in a-Let's face it- really bad costume.
Now, on this particular encounter with Speedmouse, Blue had to sign both Speedmouse's hoof, and bar fridge.
Exciting story huh?
Well, it's about to get a whole lot lamer.
CHAPTER 4
Blue had made his escape, and was now walking with Jessie to the park. It was then that mine came. Pulling himself along his invisible rope, The mime was staring down Blue. Smiling creepily, kind of like a smiling mime. Blue thought that he looked hungry... Really hungry.
"Jessie, let's go!"
"Come on Blue! Isn't this cool?" Jessie replied.
"No. This mime is creepy. He looks hungry!"
"No Blue! We are staying!!"
Then, the mine etched over, and picked Blue up.
"What? Help!"
The mime had put Blue in an invisible box, and ran away. Jessie ran after them, but stripes really help people go faster!
"Stupid mime! Stupid mine contraptions!" Cried Blue, getting thrown all over the place in the little invisible box that was seeming to get smaller.
It was then he realized that he wasn't in an invisible box, but a kitty litter tray. It wasn't very nice in there-The crystals were sticking to his Green Lantern boots.{Yes, he was still wearing his costume... He had to get home yet.}
"This is your new home". This is the first time that Blue had ever heard a mime speak.
"Oh, so all the mimes actually HAVEN'T run it to bars and broke their voice boxes" said Blue, Rolling his eyes.
A giant Cauliflower walked into the room, stopped, stared at Blue, and Backed away slowly.
"Uhhh?" Blue looked at the mime, who introduced himself as Jerry.
"Oh, that's Marvin. Don't mind him,"
Blue backed into a corner.
"Why do you have so many talking foods at your house?"
"oh, I don't. It's just you and Marvin,"
"Why did you take me in the first place?"
"Eh. I was bored. A buskers gotta do what a Buskers gotta do for attention. No one is interested in mimes anymore," Jerry sighed.
"Lets fix that problem." Blue replied, and light bulb {Literally} appearing over the top of his head.
Blue made Jerry rub all the make-up off his face, and run 6 Laps around a football field-He did this just because the makeup creeped Blue out, and made him run, well, just because he thought it would be funny to watch.
Jerry couldn't run a step further. He could hardly breathe.
"COME ON! You've only done half a lap!!" Blue yelled,
"Go.... Go on without me," Jerry managed to huff out. " oh wait. I'm fine." after these words, he got up like he wasn't about to pass out, and wasn't puffed, and continued running.
"Mimes are surprisingly fit" Blue mumbled. "Considering they used the imaginary rope in gym all those years ago"
Jerry completed the six laps in a heart beat, but was still pretty puffed when he got back to Blue. "What's next?" Jerry huffed.
"Next we review your skills to find out your new act!"
